Yeah. I hear ya. I’m hiding away in a tiny cabin trying to do little harm. It’s no answer. It’s me trying to do as little damage as possible. But it’s not me doing good. It’s not me having a positive impact. The current story of human destruction is a story that’s been a short time coming. Very, very long but then, boom. It’s here now and after 25 years of yelling from the rooftops I finally claim to the conclusion a couple years ago that we were doomed. I hate it. Hate thinking it. But there is so little evidence to indicate otherwise.
It’s probably just a coping mechanism but here’s a thought that has given me comfort. And forewarning, it’s a bit fucked up but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It’s this. This planet has an end date. Whatever we do now, it will become inhabitable in what, 500 million years? Less? I forget the timeline at the moment. But the Sun will go through it’s cycle and will heat up then expand then contract and so on. Long before it blows itself into a beautiful planetary nebula and settles down as a white dwarf star life on Earth will have ceased to exist. No matter what the species known as Homo sapiens do in the way of destroying life on the planet, the Sun will, eventually, do it better. So, I look at this precious little planet and the delicate balance of life and I acknowledge that it all ends. We are ending some of it now and will continue to do so. We are nature destroying itself.
On a certain level I suppose I still think of it as tragic. But I also just recognize that life on all planets is ephemeral. Perhaps that also makes it even more special. As I’ve heard it said, we’re both special and we are not special. An asteroid could pop us and end it all. The Universe doesn’t care about is, it just is. I have little doubt that we are not the first civilization on a planet full of life nor will we be the last. At this moment there are likely others in a variety of forms and stages. There might well be a planet somewhere in our galaxy (or another galaxy) in its death throes for whatever reason. Whatever forms of life it harbors coming to an end.
So, I sit with the sadness of what we are doing. I don’t turn away from it. I don’t see a way to avoid it. I hope activists will keep on keeping on. but the problem (in part) is that we need activists at all. For now, I will live the way that I think we should all be living which is as low energy as possible. In my own small way I’ll encourage others to look into the face of it and their connection to it. Not because I have much hope but because I can’t not be that person.
I’ll also have to sit with the fact that I could have done far more in my life to make positive change. And I could have used less than I have. Funny, I often joke that I have no idea what I look like because I don’t have a mirror. I don’t look at myself for days upon days. I probably easily go several weeks without ever seeing my own face. Partly that’s just my way of saying I don’t give a shit about how I look. Flipping a bird to the notion of self worth that seems to dominate our current culture. But maybe it’s also because of my shame of being human. It’s not something I’ll ever be okay with because I know what we’ve done to each other and to the other species we share our planet with.