Job’s first day in Heaven (Satire)
We all Some of us know about the story of Jobs in the old testament about his tribulations on earth which was approved by God, it was a wager between God and Satan about the devout nature of Jobs in service to God.
Long story short, God gave Satan the approval to torment him and test him if he will still be faithful despite all his travails. This post will focus on Job’s comedic entrance into Heaven after he died.
Job arrived at the gates of Heaven, everywhere was shining, almost blinding with the streets paved in Gold, the beautiful pearly gate was opened to Jobs.
As he walked into paradise, he heard a voice from a distant
“Job, my son! Is that you?” The voice was clear as day and very soothing, he could the power and love in the voice. The voice became clearer as he moved closer to him.
There was no need for introductions, it is God!
The elderly but very agile man walked towards him in anticipation, with arms open.
“Bring it in!”
Jobs rushed into the arms of God, it all made sense. He could hear the music, the sweet music in the ears. The Harp was so melodic and smooth.
“Welcome home, Job” God continued. I thank you for all the good work you’ve done on earth.
Tears strolled down Job’s eyes as he slowly disengaged from the hug he would have loved to last forever.
“Walk with me, son” He told Job.
As the walked the beautiful heavenly streets with towers and mansions with foundations in the cloud, the scenery was breathtakingly beautiful, more beautiful that whatever had been described in any book.
“Your story, the story of your travails will live on forever, much more than you can imagine.”
“Your story is that or courage and resilience and absolute faith in my will for your life”.
Along the street in different houses, he could see people taking harp lessons, David was coordinating the choir, the Halleluyah been sang was legendary, no other people could sing with so much accord, seemed like the choir of hundreds of thousands of people were singing with one voice.
On the other aisle was Abraham coordinating for the big feast later today in honor of Job, the newly arrived son of God.
As they moved along the streets of heaven, Job was overwhelmed with the beautiful city of God. Jesus, the son of God playing with children.
“Hey Jesus, come meet Job. You remember him right?”
Jesus came to join them, also smiling, he gave Job a big hug, and remarked
“We are all proud of what your life signified”.
Job looked at God wondering who Jesus was, God quickly clarified,
“Jesus is my son. He shows up later in the timespace but he was here while we all witnessed your story
“Your son?” Job inquired
“Don’t worry yourself, It’ll all be understandable to you later on” God told him
“Job, I would like to say once more, great work, the heavens and the earth will never forget the path your life has played” Jesus said, feeling proud of Job.
“Its all so beautiful and heart wrenching to find out that all that happened to you was all known to the Almighty God” Jesus said
At this point, Job needed more clarification on Jesus’ last statement.
“God, what does Jesus mean by you knew about all of this” Job asked.
“Take it easy, Job. There is a very small explanation for this. Trust me” God said.
“God allowed Satan to test your faith” Jesus said
“J-E-S-U-S!” God called out his name.
“Dad, no use ripping the bandage slowly. The wound has healed” Jesus defended himself
“It’s not in your place to say, son!” God said
“What is Bandage” Job asked.
“Its something that was invented, thousands of years later to prevent infections. You’ll understand that later, it’s a future innovation” God said
“From what Jesus is saying, you knew Satan was gonna destroy my life and you allowed me.”
“Hang on, Job! Don’t be like this. I allowed him touch everything you own asides your life. Technically, your life was secure throughout” God said
“You gambled with my life?” Job asked.
“It was a calculated bet, you would win anyways” God said
“You knew I would win” Job inquired, with a look of absolute befuddlement.
“Yes, I knew. You know, with me being ALPHA & OMEGA, The beginning and the end, OMNIPRESENT and OMNIPOTENT, those abilities come in highly needed.” God said
“Like how I know, there will be Youtube, and you’ll see a lot of funny cat videos. When you settle in, I will show you a couple of cat videos, and this funny black lady that I saved from a fire, then goes aint-nobody-gat-time-fo-that. You’ll love Youtube, Job… You’ll crack up.”
“Youtube, videos, aint-nobody-gat-time-fo-dat. What are those?” Job asked
“They’re all future things, thousands of years before they come to pass. You should try to keep up better next time because aint-nobody-gat-time-fo-dat” God said cracking up.
Jesus joined in, those videos are really hilarious dad, can’t get enough of them. Its what we’ve been watching, after the morning praise session.
“Can we come back to me right now? My travails and the fact that you allowed it” Job spoke as it seems, God and Jesus were having laughs about something he had no idea about.
“Okay Job, Come’on, don’t be such a killjoy. I know the plans I had for you even before you were born from your mother’s womb” God said
Jesus nodded in approval to God’s last sentence.
“What is a killjoy?” Job asked a rhetorical question
“Don’t tell me! Someone who tries to bring down the mood” Job said
God and Jesus nodded in agreement as angels flew down and handed out smoothies to all 3 having the conversation.
God and Jesus sucked the straw a decent amount of the juice. Job observed both father and son enjoy whatever it is the angels just delivered.
“Job, you gotta try this drink out. It will B-L-O-W Y-O-U-R M-I-N-D. A thousand percent guaranteed! ” Jesus said
“Another product from the future right” Jesus replied nodding consecutively not willing to stop sipping the smoothie just to answer Job’s rhetorical question.
“He’s catching up so fast, dad” Jesus said to God
“Job, ever since me and Jesus started drinking these smoothies, it has changed our lives forever. No one knows more about forever and eternity than me.” God said
Job gave a strong stare, they both removed the straw from their mouth.
“God, why are you speaking like this?”
“That’s the accent of black people from the future. Everything is funny how they say it. absolutely delightful bunch.” God replied.
“I did everything you wanted me to do, I dedicated my life and family to your will.” Job said
“And I know, and everyone appreciates your sacrifice. Look all around you, you’re in heaven now” God said, massaging Job’s shoulders.
“It all happened back there Job, its in the past now” Jesus said.
“How about my family, they are dead” Job said
“Yea, they died back there on earth, pay close attention Job, but they’re here, waiting for you.”
God said, “Please can the Jobs come out, Papa Job is here”
What God said reverberated around the heavens, everyone gathered around the scene now. Abraham, David, the angels and the council of elders.
From a distance, the door of a mansion opened, and Job’s family came out running down the street to meet Job where he stood.
Tears streamed down Job’s eyes, as he once again was reunited with his family, God then whispered into his ears the following.
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
The heavens were in jubilation as Job once again reunited with his family, the festivities of Job’s arrival was close, the time for feast was near.
God and Jesus watched Job and his family share 1001 kisses, the laughter in the face of the children was un-measurable.
God faced Jesus and told him “The end of a matter is better than its beginning; a patient spirit is better than a proud spirit.”
“You’re right, Dad!” Jesus said.
“You must start preparing Jesus, your part in this will begin soon.” God said
They both continued watching and sipping their smoothie.
Far away from where everyone could see, the devil watched the happy reunion and thought to himself.
“But I asked God’s permission before doing it, how am I the bad guy?”. He looked away as he sipped from his strawberry and kale smoothie.