Some truths from a traveling kid
I don’t think anyone knows where they are really going — but they should try figuring it out.
I really don’t know where my life is heading. I think it is something that will develop in time, as I do, hopefully. I wish that I was one of those lucky ones that just “had it” when they were young. Like the ones that always knew that they were going to be doctors or lawyers or whatever the sun may shine its heavenly light on.
But I wasn’t. I am still not like that. For me it has always been a battle up a mountain or a running up some hill. And I’ve done this mostly on my own and by myself. And the truth is that I prefer doing it this way. I like the silence of myself, looking at the world from an outsider’s perspective.
This doesn’t mean that it is better this way. It is only that, it’s easier for me.
I know that I sometimes fear dying alone.
‘No one to love and no one that loves back. Fear. Strange. Abandon,’ rattling in my mind some nights when the thinking becomes excessive.
All these emotions just because I don’t attempt to fit into the boundaries and comfortable structures that have been created around me. You know, those that are constantly reciprocated by the people around you. The ones that keep you where you are.
As I sit here I know. I am alone.
I’ve always masked it in ideas like, ‘I am already entertaining the best company in town’. I suppose I am comfortable with myself. Or it may just be a natural propensity to be on my own.
When I think of these things it doesn’t upset or conjure fear within me. It excites me and encourages me. I have come to realize over the past few years that I am the only one with my own best interests at heart. I know that this may sound like a venturous realisation. But it isn’t. I think a lot of people think that others care about them. The truth may lie far from it. People mostly do not care about you, even if they are your friends. People in general; friends, family and mostly acquaintances care solely about themselves. It isn’t that is something they do on purpose or out of spite. The human condition demands that we focus mostly on the ‘I’, the preservation of self.
What’s truer than true — or rather — What should you do?
You might think that this is un-profound, but I think it is true. I think it’s true that most people only focus on themselves. They care about their interests. And I think you and I should start doing it too.
What is it that really exists for people like you and I. Well this is what is real. Follow your gut. Follow what you feel, that which you know to be true. And even sometimes what you don’t know. Because that adventure may lead to parts of you that still lie undiscovered or dormant. But the point is this — try, explore, feel and just do.
These are the foundations of a life well lived. For me this practice evolves, culminates, and realizes as traveling. Seeing new places and unfamiliar faces are the things that stir my soul. Deeper down there are other things that I know I should be focused upon, like the crisis of education in South Africa and being an actor in leading my faithful country to a better future. But all of this cannot be done if I am still, myself, an unhappy person. If I still look at the sky in that scratchy and forlorn way that signals an itch that cannot be merely wished away or blown away by the wind. You know that itchy itch that finds itself in the nether parts of the brain where comfort and familiarity resides. It’s that strong desire to travel and meander — in absolute wanderlust.
I sometimes feel that the best thing to do in a scenario where the past clings to you and your future is dim and unlit is to just run away. Don’t look back. Just do it. And that is what I am doing at the moment. It’s not about losing friends or things. It’s about making new things. Finding new places. Discovering new friends.
People don’t care. And that is fine. They will survive and prosper without you. All you can do is to twist a heel down into the dusty road of possibility. It doesn’t even require you to have a firm grip.
When you have lost all those things that keep you as you are.
Or at whom you were the potential starts creeping into the seams. It builds up like a dam threatening to collapse. Allow those cracks.
You will probably be a better person after it all.