She’s Dead. Chorley is Dead.

My sweet girl Chorley has died.

rip my sweet girl

Don’t hit the read more thing if you’re not ready to see a very disturbing picture of me holding my dead cat

Chorley was given to me by my one of the girls in AA I was sponsoring named Hannah. She was a stray on the streets of silver lake. A tortoise shell, I didn’t know that all those types of cats are girls and I named her Charlie, not really sure if she was a girl or boy.

One day she got out of the house. She was the first cat I had failed to get fixed and when I opened the front door to and she slinked out from behind the trash cans with a little orange tabby I knew it couldn’t be good.

We quickly realized Chorley was pregnant and soon enough she was giving birth in my closet, only a few feet away from where I would give birth to my son a few years later.

At that time in my life I was tip toeing up to the edge of my spiritual awakening and Chorley giving birth pushed me over the edge. I was so afraid that one of the kittens was going to die I couldn’t handle it. I had also recently started “dating” the dark triad Narcissist who had convinced me to move most of my stuff into his house. I didn’t want to. I had a home. But he swirled his narc magic on me and off to West Hollywood I moved until he got evicted from his apartment once I couldn’t afford to pay his rent.

Narcs hate women and I’m pretty sure this guy is gay. Both his brother and sister turned out to be gay and I doubt it skipped a generation. We only had sex a couple times. Thinking back on this is insane actually. No wonder I went nuts.

Anyway when Chorley gave birth I went into my reptilian brain and on the phone with the narc he said “just leave. Fuck it just come here” and for some God awful reason, I did it.

Fear is a powerful motivator. I left Chorley and all her kittens with another sponsee of mine watching over them. I was also secretly abusing adderoll at the time which I imagine helped this whole process to take place. Did I mention the narc convinced me I wasn’t an addict/alcoholic? I just needed to take his medication because ADD was my real problem. Sounded good enough. Why would someone push so hard if they didn’t think it would help me?

It did not help me. But it helped him help himself to my money, mind and soul for a fine dining experience.

I abandoned Chorley and I feel so guilty. Chorley never forgave me and became overweight after the experience. When I came back we had kept one black boy cat, Trammell C. Maybe the chillest cat of all time.

Trammell C being dive bombed by the mockingbird

My worst fear ended up happening before I’d return. Because we always make them come true when we act from a place of fear. Setting a fear as an intent brings about that which you’re trying to avoid.

Chorley had two kittens of each of her colors on her body. Two orange tabby, two black, two white and one miniature version of her which we called BB Baby Charlie. BB would end up dying. I don’t quite recall why.

Today as my new boyfriend with the same name as the old triad narc was pulling out of the driveway she didn’t move I guess and he ran her over. Blood was flying into the air as her body spasms sent them flying. I ran over to her and my first reaction was to go into prayer. Thank God.

I started to cast out the spirit of death. But then I remembered I needed to repent. These things I believe would have brought my son back, had I known about them. I’ve seen great miracles take place by using the authority of Jesus Christ’s Holy name.

Oh my God this was terrible. This just happened an hour ago and sadly I’m getting so good at enduring traumatic deaths that I knew that writing would be the best way to keep from collapsing in a pool of guilt and tears right now.

Jesus rebukes and binds all unclean spirits, spirit of death go to the pit in Jesus’ name!

Then I realized maybe it was Chorley’s time to go. I changed my approach.

Lord Jesus please send your Holy Angels to Chorley right now. Please give us a healing miracle or please end her suffering as quickly as possible and bring her soul to Heaven.

Immediately Chorley stopped flailing around. I didn’t know what option they were exercising but I asked what was happening and my boyfriend said “she’s dying”

Chorley, I’m so sorry. Oh my God I’m so sorry….

I carried her to the backyard even though my bf said to wait and brought out a towel. She wasn’t road kill she was my baby. I picked her lifeless body up and carried her to the backyard.

Take one last picture of me and her together please

I’m not going to put the picture in here. It’s too terrible.

RIP sweet Chorley Baby

And that was that. We buried Chorley in a deep hole that was for a tree, conveniently, and put a pillow on the bottom for her. And covered her and then put the dirt on top of her.

Thank you God for Chorley’s life. Please bring her home with you to wait for me with Silvio and Robert. Thanks for all you’ve given us and all you’ve taken away. Amen.

I love Chorley. Like most things I took her presence for granted. In death I’m reminded to appreciate everything and everyone.

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