Tha Fuck is Wrong Wit Ya’ll

I gotta admit I’m enjoying this offshore bank account of a blog. I can talk about whatever the fuck I want such as gardening yet I feel it coming back around to one of my favorite topics, the narcissist.

I regret to inform myself and Jasmin basically…. And some strangers, maybe… that I once again find myself in relationship with a narc. A narcissist. Someone who is exploitative of other people, solely focused on their own selfish ends and manipulating and controlling those around them in order to get their needs met. Caring more about what others think and say about them instead of caring to foster a meaningful relationship with self that provides self esteem enough to not give a fuck what others think and say.

I am pretty lucky to have been on the receiving end of some pretty substantial and terrible narcissistic abuse that has changed the foundation of who I am a person. Some could play victim to their abuser(s) but what good would this do? As the codependent I am perfectly scarred and unbalanced in a way that perfectly caters to a narc who needs to use me like a capris sun, stabbing me with the sharp end of their straw and sucking the very lifesblood from the marrow of my bones.

Slurp it up narc! I know you love that rarest blood type on earth flavor.

The Narc Drinks Your Milkshake. Is never full. Except of shit.

Man, so I’m starting to see what it’s al about, just what’s so bad about the narc that we get so incredibly scarred. I find one of the worst parts to be their ever shifting moods. So dramatic and able to turn on a dime since, again, they collect their self esteem from their exterior environment. One which isn’t able to be totally under their control. Therefore the narcissistic supply (aka attention) is uncertain and so they can never be at ease.

No accomplishment will satiate their hunger. After all it’s a huge, vacuous hole inside that they’re trying to fill with sex, drugs, rock n roll… anything but what they need.

God.

Yup. Sorry. The one thing the narc needs most is the one thing their egos will not allow them to have and that is a higher power. After all, they think they’re God. Or should be at least.

Without surrender none of us have a chance at fostering a meaningful relationship with the creator of all that is. That takes humility. So the narc is really fucked.

It says in the Bible that none will get to holler at Jesus in heaven unless they come to Him like a lil child. But wtf does that mean?

Well you have to be reachable, teachable and humble. To repent of your sins and throw yourself at the feet of JC is no small feat. For a narc, near impossible for it entails having to admit they don’t know everything.

Faith, in its essence, calls for believing in what you can’t see or prove.

That’s so crazy for some. Not me. I dunno why. Maybe cuz I’m like close bloodies with Jesus. More on that later. But the narc is fucked. Because they need deliverance but they’re too proud.

These fools literally have a network of demons called Jezebel Spirit operating in them. Usually more often than the human aspect. Or what’s left.

Do you have any idea how many soulless vessels are just cruising around planet earth at this point? Walking Dead Robot Zombies. Say it once more.

The narc is also nefarious due to his need to completely turn on you in a typical anxious meets avoidant attachment dysfunction.

One min you’re working on intimacy and the next the narc is saying something totally personal you confided in him in front of a room of your friends and now everyone’s laughing at you. If confronted they will deny the whole thing happened the way you witnessed it did.

They are disconnected from The Truth so they know not the truth.

They will try to force their sick and twisted version of the truth onto you. If you stand strong in your connectedness to the truth you will prevail my friends. Try to be saintly in your affairs and if you fail simply take responsibility. It’s the one way to know you are NOT the narc. The narc never wants to admit fault, never wants to apologize. Never wants to do shit except sit around and complain about you while they’re actually victimizing you on so many levels.

All you can do to save your soul is RUN!

Go no contact. It won’t get better. It will get worse. You will be a shell of a human. You will break those oh so valuable rules you’ve made with yourself.

Prayer can help you and them so stay in constant contact with God if you can.

You’re on the path. Just keep going forward.

Feels just like it looks

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