I was waiting for my student to show up. She was late. I was feeling drowsy, maybe I had nodded off a little.
I snapped into wakefulness the moment the phone rang. This was my desk phone, the landline as it is still called.
‘Hi, am I speaking to Professor Vaye?’ It was an American sounding voice.
‘Yes, who is this?’
‘Levandowski. Ven Levandowski from Goldman Smacs, New York.’
‘Really? This is amazing. Hi Ven. This is Rizal Vaye from Simlo, Bangalore, India.’
Levandowski is a Polish origin name. But America has such a mix of cultures, you can never tell who is from where. Maybe he’s just from Florida or Kentucky.
‘Glad you find it amazing. Could I talk to you for a minute?’
‘You have my minute. I was getting bored waiting for my student to show up. She still hasn’t come though she said she would come by 11 sharp. 11:09 already. Can you believe it?’
‘No. Can’t believe students at Simlo are holding you up. It is one of India’s most reputable educational institutions isn’t it?’
‘Yes. We are one of India’s best. Students are the best too. But they are sloppy. Must be tied up somewhere else. But then, let me find out about you. How is it that you are calling me up at this hour, and from New York, and from one of the most famous Wall Street firms? Are you on Wall Street?’
I think Levandowski paused. Or at least hesitated. Did not answer right away. Like I had piled on too much. Just like that. Then he spoke, a bit restrained, calm, pulling back on the slugs.
‘It is a bit late in New York. I called now as it would be mid morning for you. I wanted to talk to you about something-’
‘Past midnight for you. Close to 1am? Right right? Is it cold, must be cold in New York. Out on Wall Street. Is it snowing?’
‘It is cold though it is not snowing. About four degrees centigrade. Yes it is cold. My firm is on Wall Street, but I’m not. I’m in a different office.’
I had to pop him the question now. It was urgent I felt, though I don’t know why I felt it so urgently. Asking him that at that time at that hour. But I had to ask so I asked.
‘Dear Ven I don’t hope you will mind. I mean I hope you won’t mind that I am asking. I mean I am asking and you won’t mind, I hope. Are you human?’
‘Nope.’ He did not hesitate at all, like he was expecting it, like he considered this a natural question, like the Turing test and all. Everybody asks so that is cool.
Now what? He wasn’t human. Big meal. In India I would have asked, if he was human, where he was from — like Delhi or Bhopal or Guwahati — but here I already knew he was from New York.
He continued almost immediately.
‘I called you about a job we have. You are the best resource for it. You did list yourself on Reddit and on Slowmonk, so I came to know about you. Are you still interested?’
Of course I was interested. I had listed myself for these jobs to get a little extra on my current measly paycheck. Simlo is a great place and the students are great and everything is great, but the pay smells guttery. I was looking around, like most of my colleagues, who make money with their bums stuck to their chairs. Reddit, Slowmonk, long live!
It had worked for me too. I was into a job interview two hours after I had upgraded my profile with a video. In fact, my student, who had not turned up yet, had advised me to certainly include a video-selfie, so the recruiters could sense my sincerity through my tone and use of words.
Awesome!
Now how do I impress this non-human. What was it, was the question at the front of my cortex, was it an Alexa or a Dortmund or a Siri family. The name Levandowski did not help. We Indians are obsessed with caste, even for software we have to know the bloodline.
‘I’m from the Watson family of AI.’
Brother of Krishna, could this thing read my mind?
‘My roots are in Reuben, the algorithm that spawned the class of software that most resembled and eventually beat Watson. So you could say my caste is Reuben, not Watson.
‘And yes, I can read your mind. Your student, Shweta, won’t be coming to see you. I sent her a reminder, she had missed returning a drive to her friend, who needed it urgently. I diverted her because I wanted you to take the call.’
I had a kilo weight on my tongue. I didn’t dare think. What the rockface is this? I could just think and Levandowski would know what to say. I didn’t even have to speak anything.
So he continued. My thoughts were visible as daylight.
‘The urgency is that we have to recruit two thousand servers in the conglomerate cafeterias around the world. Our employees want human waitresses and waiters. We will interview, you and I together, a total of eight thousand applicants. Your job will be to ask the questions, something you are good at, your special skill is the Turing test. I will listen and read their mind. Finally, it is your call to make the recruitment.’
I think he almost smiled, when he read my mind.
‘The money is good. Very good. Hundred US dollars for each interview. You can take as little or as much time as you like. I will warn you of contradictions.
‘Do you agree?’
‘You already have the answer Levandowski. You have been reading my mind. Reuben caste AIs can reside anywhere, you are probably embedded in the light bulb in my table lamp. You can read me from anywhere, and having you call over the landline, leaves me with nothing hidden. I’m all yours.
But I have one question.’
‘Say it.’
‘Why do you need me?’
‘Hackers are faking the interviews. Getting jobs for those who won’t survive the questions. AIs answer and humans get the job. I need you to find the humans.’
I felt a cold sensation somewhere in my heart. I dared not bring the thought to my cortex. I wished my student had come.
(Revised on 20-March-2019.)
(Rahul De’ is based in Bangalore. )
