The feeling that won’t go away

Derek Mogensen
Jul 24, 2017 · 2 min read

The urge to cry just overwhelms me and the flood in my eyes leak out as the tightening in my stomach weakens me.
Crippled by a feeling. A feeling of life being sucked out of me as I loathe of where I am.
A job in which I feel no purpose or enjoyment and every monotonous task pulls at the thread of my despair.
Dwelling in a home I love to hate with a family broken and shared.
Living one moment in chaos and noise, which can instantly become bone chilling quiet and eerily still.
As I sit in this feeling the sadness floods in as the tears flood out.
Feeling crushed by the weight like in my childhood nightmares of boulders tumbling into my bedroom.
Searching for the thought. That thought I can question to bring me salvation. The truth I cannot see hidden in plain sight.
Unable to pinpoint it I continue down to the depths of suffering.
Keeping my eyes locked on a small screen in my hands, enjoying the suffering as I search for a way out unable to put it down.
Never seeing the light the endless search continues.
The quest to control my ego, to take charge, to rise above, to transcend is at the tips of my fingers.
The illusion is reflecting everywhere yet nowhere in sight.
Understanding this but not seeing this. This is the feeling that won’t go away.

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