Republicans Relieved MAGA Bomber is Native American
Republican strategists are breathing a sigh of relief this afternoon as news broke that Cesar Sayoc Jr, the man being described by law enforcement as a suspect in the MAGA bombings of this week, has been determined to be a proud Native American and not a ‘white male’ as originally reported. “We knew he wasn’t white from the pictures,” said one relieved lawmaker. “But we were worried he was Hispanic, because we knew we needed to demonize whoever this was and use a bunch of racist epitaphs. So really ‘Native American’ is a dream scenario, under the circumstances.”
Democrats, of course, are taking a victory lap as they circle campaign communication strategies that plan to cast all Trump supporters as deluded conspiracy mongers who will believe any baseless claim you tell them, so long as it pertains to the criminality of their perceived political enemies, deny basic facts if they challenged their incredibly limited worldview, shitpost garbage anti-media memes on 4chan, and decorate their vans with stickers that accuse Democratic leaders of treason and mark their faces with literal crosshairs. Said one Republican operative of the strategy. “That’s nonsense. Most of us drive trucks. And some of us shitpost on Reddit instead of 4chan.”
For his part, President Trump addressed the incident by neither recognizing that the suspected bomber was a supporter of his nor acknowledging that the targets of the bomb plot were members of the political party that he so often vilifies on Twitter and at his rallies. Instead he spent his introduction at an already-scheduled event whining about how this plot is taking media attention away from his plan to excite his base with talk of how disgusting Guatemalans are, while his speechwriters figured out how to say that Sayoc wasn’t ‘one of us’ without sounding as racist as they want to.
All that remains to be seen is whether alt-right message boards will begin to warm up to the idea that this whole episode is not just a plot by the Deep State and their allies in the Jewish controlled media, but that this actually is a crime perpetrated by an ally of theirs that, admittedly, is of an inferior race that has outlived its usefulness to the movement and probably should be expelled to prevent things like this from happening. A solid middle-ground option for the narrative going forward might be that this guy is too stupid to know any better and that he is just a patsy for the conspirators to blame everything on in their quest to frame Trump’s rhetoric for this act of intended violence. Daily Stormer actually already scooped me on this take:
Either way, I’m guessing this is the last we are going to hear from Native Americans for Trump for a little while.
*Elizabeth Warren was not available for comment on this story.