I think largely the deception in sexual assaults being a defining factor in ones orientation among females, are the high number of assaults. I’m not quoting statistical numbers or proof of scientific data, within my own friendship circles, more of my lesbian female friends account for assaults having happened, the male side, not very many and in very rare instances only minor impropriety. By no means am I claiming that men haven’t faced it. It is in minority by comparison of female incidents.
Where you do see the difference in gay male and lesbian culture , lesbians have a stronger feminist solidarity offering each other much deserved empowerment. At protests and rally’s asking for change, protection and better treatment towards sexual assault victims, there is always strong and proud lesbian presence. If anything, the assaults may have laid an easier foundation to find safety, trust and strength within feminine embrace while bringing about a really loud voice for women’s rights issues as a whole.
As a male, I’m cheering the voice you have found as a survivor. Like you, I hope one day these conversations will fade less and less and we just live in love without division.