I very much appreciate seeing this piece from you. I think in surrendering to not always having to be trailblazing champion for your identity will eventually lead to finding that comfort zone and equality for yourself. While I hate the term cis, (it’s recent use has strayed from its science roots) I am cishet male. Transgendered and its complex variations are included in my world. When I meet you. I want to know the person. Not the intricacies and complexity of intimacy and how it wires altogether. Any much more than you want me reeling off my sexual agenda as we shake hands. That’s a conversation we’ll have as we’ll get to know one another over time. The only time the truly vulnerable intimate conversation should be in play. Is if either finds attraction. I think that is largely the issue within the cis / trans community we’re spending too much time on the complicated and not enough on the simplified. ‘Hello, I’m Derek, nice to meet you Cat!’ But let’s not argue about salutations and pronouns right away. I’m older, it’s takes time to train an old dog new tricks. If we’re having a respectful conversation. Obviously we’re headed in the right direction.

I totally sympathize with the acknowledgment / pronoun issue. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s not that your identity acceptance is unimportant. I think we’re looking at a couple generations before that becomes a normal method of exchange. My parents generation are still very much alive, my generation (I’m 41) which still hold the old traditionalist values but very much adaptable to change, are now raising a new generation that is being groomed for better acceptance overall as my generation passes the torch of acceptance forward. It’s going to take time. It’s happening!

You asked someone to toss the spinner on what your next move should be. I think you should focus on letting your art be a part of telling legacy for the future of the transgendered queer community to be proud of. It sucks that you’re part of the pioneering era as those are the hardest steps to walk but they should be proud ones. Make the steps memorable and leave the future a spectacular time capsule on how the change of acceptance and the struggles started. Most of all! Fuck it. Just be you. Let someone else slay the lions for a bit.