F@$& this S^*! I’m Out

Parental Advisory Announcement: This article will offend you if you are a stuffed shirt religious fanatic of any kind or a moralistic asshat that cannot take a joke and sees the world without an ounce of sarcasm. So, please, move on and reread some Disney filled rainbow shite. You are not the audience for this, trust me. — Management

Have you ever had a dreadful day? I mean a day that you just say I am done, that was the final straw, you have broken my back. I can’t take this sh!t anymore! Sure you have, we all have, in fact, it seems the one thing we carry with us from our childhood is the ability to throw a temper tantrum when we don’t get what we want. This is not a millennial thing if you think this is where I am going with this. Quitting a job has been a normality since the 70s, it seems, and when we get to the boiling point of life we move on. Almost all give their two weeks and move on to another role, while others, well, leave with a little more flair.

When someone asks me what I do for a living at an event or bar I often smile that snarky look I can get and say, “I am in HR, sadly, I fired myself today, been a sad bit of it so I am not talking to myself.” I then turn and giggle knowing that few if any get the irony I just displayed. I know the community just loves lists so I thought, with this post, I would add my own version of a list of some pretty funny, side splitting, exits that have been used in order to vacate an individual’s role. Some of these you may have seen and others, unless you were actually there would not have ever known about. Before you continue on with this read I will state that if you are in an unfriendly work environment that thinks four letter words have more power than they actually do then continue to read but click the browsers full well knowing that these may be NSFW. For those over 50, that means Not Safe for Work.

The Good bye Email

Back in my agency days VB 6 was the language to have and code with. N-Tier was the cool buzz word and startups were everywhere. It was the new frontier and Millennials was not even a title yet. It was GenX baby and we had it all. Everyone wanted us, we were the shit man! If you think finding and retaining programmers today is hard to think back to a time when schools were not even teaching JAVA yet. Yeah, that. I had placed a great programmer, young guy and smart but just hated the BS of a corporate world. He jumped at the chance to join a local start up in Phoenix. Six months later that exuberance was derailed by the management poor lack of control and understanding of what they were trying to accomplish.

He sent an email, although this was a crude interpretation of the use of out and out sarcasm and possible career suicide nonetheless it was a, shall we say, interesting departure email that he sent to the entire company, a pic flipping off the camera with the meme, new to the world of doing this, I am out!

Funny thing, I placed him within 24 hours of him leaving and got a commission, so win-win I suppose?

The Video’s

We live in a world where as it spins round and round and in the process, we continue to evolve, some for the good, some for the bad I would suppose. With multiple platforms to express ourselves and the ability to self-delude each other with so called fake news in order to obtain a self-absorbed feeling of superiority, the term “sh!t happens” takes a new term of complicity when leaving a perceived role. Still pictures are passé’ or not in vogue as they used to be, Giffs and Meme’s, videos now seem the way to go to say goodbye, check these out, however, I once again want to make sure the purity and concern of ultraconservative ears and eyes go back into the cave of ignorance and hide from the things that you fear most, a few bad words.

I will start with this one for sure, funny that marijuana is the new oil in this country and believe me, you should start looking into stock futures for this now legal in too many states to mention. Possibly the new gold rush? Where is that gummy again? This was just about perfect. This is the only one you can push on the picture, I could not embed the rest.

Although this did go semi-viral when it landed it was still a time when the country was starting its angered confrontation against the idiocy that is against marijuana yet totally for alcohol and Tabaco addictions. Funny enough, marijuana is legal in Alaska now possibly based on the fact that this young woman stood up. NSFW

The Coffee Show Boy Band

Quitting a job can be a hard thing in life, giving up even the worse of jobs, can take its toll on a person leaving possibly something decent behind. So, what is a guy to do but bring in a few friends in on your last day to put on a show and let your owner or manager how with a song?

This is what happens when you have made your last latte and are truly fed up with the circumstance you were in making a whole $7.50 an hour. This was one of the best on this list for me as, well, the dude has pipes and to front the talent behind him and keep up with them shows he made the right choice with offering his resignation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqtaNPOitlw&feature=youtu.be

The Dance that Went F’ing-Viral

The only thing that really pissed me off about this way to quit is that there is no way I could possibly pull of the dance moves that this young lady was able to do. No, seriously, I think I would end up breaking multiple appendages trying to accomplish the awesomeness that this young lady pulled off.

The best part is, for her that is, that she got a gig working for Comedy Central, somewhat apropos as this was pretty epic. She, on the behest of LinkedIn, even followed up with a why you would not want to do that, however, you can find that here https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/dont-quit-your-day-job-advice-from-famousish-quitter-marina-shifrin. NOT THIS Funny, even the boldest people who make the biggest strides are pulled down like crabs in a bucket when trying to escape the bullsh!t of so many companies who are desperate for a dystopian dream like work environment.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MS4n84a2Mw4

The Final Email

Ok, this is the last one for you, at a company I worked at one of the things we always laughed about was how almost everyone left they would send a nice email out to the company letting them know how happy they were here but had to move on or some bullsh!t, PC like that thinking that at some time this #karmatic feeling would absolve them in a future endeavor. Here is a cliff note for you. It won’t, and that is ok, sometimes you find yourself in a #craptastic situation and in the end, you just have to say…

NSFW https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5FjWe31S_0g

The Final Email

So, there you go, no epiphany from me or some kind of oracle like statement to carry you through. This was just something I found entirely too funny to not write about and share. Sometimes, looking at life you have to just let go and fire away. Safety nets are for those who are afraid to just let it go. #zellerout #truestory