Selfhonesty and my relationshop with it
There is no obvious answer to why selfhonesty in itself is a good thing to practice. Think about it as in “The Matrix”. Is it really that bad to live in a reality-distorted world that is more like what we want to see instead of what is actually going on?
Some people might say yes, others might say no but I could make a point for both.
This text focuses on the effects of being self-honest, the challenges of trying so and finally, why its worthwile for me.
No pain, no gain
Whenever there was some kind of school-situation or seminar or really anything involving someone having the role of a mentor or teacher towards me, they heard me say the same thing.
No need to be soft on me, just tell me where I fucked up, so I can move on and improve. I always wondered how much of that wish was due to my confidence in myself to withstand any of the possible bad feedback.
In any case, I made sure I did everything in my power to make others feel comfortable in being honest to me. I remember learning rules of how to properly give feedback and it always mentioned the importance of starting with something good, to not offend people.
In my mind I disagreed with it every time and sometimes I wondered… Am I just a rude person? But even then, I always trusted my argument of “How could I ever get better if I do not hear the feedback based on my ability to take criticism instead of the one actually representing my performance?”
It does not make much more sense to me, today. My best shot at explaining it are those three, but really two possibilites:
- People are just different and some do not have the stability to take the steepest route top of the honesty mountain, so they talk a longer way that has some nice comfortable stairs.
- Those people *could* chose to take the same fast route but they chose to not do so in the means of comfort.
- Some mixture of those two.
As much as I don´t know the answer to it, it does not really matter because on an individual level, we should all take a close look at ourselves. Like this kind of look that you most likely would not let anyone else take.
And it needs some basic foundation to do so, because conditioning is strong. The average woman asking “Am I too soft on myself?” will get tons of re-assurance that she does just fine and she is awesome the way she is and so forth…
Regardless if she is actually too soft on herself or not. So this is not a question to ask openly if you do not have this kind of honest friend that cares more about your well-being in general than about your comfort in one moment.
And this is where it stops for most, I assume. And its also where it starts for some.
Because no one knows your flaws and faults as fully and detailed as you do. Nobody knows as well as you, when you really didnt give your best.
Whenever I notice myself acting in disregard of my moral principles, I make a choice of either calling myself out or ignoring it for the sake of comfort. And I try to make a decision towards calling myself out more than not.
This makes me more trustworthy than I was before.
It makes me more honest to the external world, as well.
It makes me improve faster and be not as emotionally married to my opinions anymore as I used to be.
It also just makes me feel better.
The moment when you call out a fraud, you feel good for having him called out. The same happens if you are the fraud yourself, that you called out.
Being a good human being funny enough also feels good.