Dissociation

I have the worst writer’s block ever. I don’t have a fear of writing. I may have a fear of not writing well. There may be a quote about that somewhere. My head is so fuzzy at times that it’s hard to get a good coherent thought out there. I wasn’t too sure if I was going to start writing here, though I have had this account for a year. Over a year? Somewhere in there.

I studied yesterday for a bit on my A+ Certification. My doctor has told me to associate many of the tidbits that I need to memorize to something familiar. I’m finding that to be much more work. So much that I disassociated while I was studying. If anyone has ever experienced this, it’s like I am no longer connected to my body. I know I’m sitting and studying, though my mind is no longer there. I can see myself sitting and studying. It’s like when I was in an accident a while ago. Before the hit, I put my hands over my face. I felt everything, but I was no longer seeing what was going on inside the car. I saw everything from outside the car. It’s hard to explain. I cannot control when I disassociate. I’m in such fear of disassociation becoming depersonalization. Depersonalization is basically multiple personality disorder, which is very close to disassociation. Which is why I’m trying to control the disassociation by using sensory.. touch, smell, hearing, seeing and even motion sensory. Today I just went to sleep. Ok, that isn’t exactly a grounding technique but I did feel better afterward.

Signing out to get on with the rest of my day.