The year began like most before, with an air of deep optimism. I planned to let go of the reigns a little, lest I become unbalanced as the ride goes on.
My biggest tour guide is driving my life’s ship in the hopes of sailing hitch-free—or almost, bearing in mind a few weather storms that may arise.
As ‘Day’ would say, “Keep your eye on the prize, but learn to be flexible around the build.” I never really understood what he meant when he said so.
I asked for an explanation, and he said it would become clear as we built and worked together.
He died in October.
I write for a living and still cannot put the depth of pain and sadness I feel into words.
I had to slow down long enough to watch a spider mend its webbing before grief’s bullets stopped blooming and flowering along my spine.
This wasn’t the only loss of the year. If you could read the second paragraph once again, perhaps this article will resonate more with you.
I send my flowers to Will and SD. I feel numb writing this because I wish you were here to read this or hear it from me yourselves.
Our messages on Slack are still available, although I fear they’ll be cleared in a few weeks–I don’t know whether it’ll be for the best. Wherever you may be in the abyss, may you find peace and calm.
In 2023, I learned that the difference between what is within and out of your control is oceans apart. I held joy and pain in uneven measures.
The best way to navigate these is by extending grace to yourself every time because you matter most to yourself.
Love, Friendship, and Everything In-Between
I felt loved at rare moments this year. I find solace in relieving these memories and replaying the scenes in my mind.
Some would say the best form of love is self-love; I agree, and yet I think all types of love contribute to being a well-rounded person.
On days when I felt unlovable, my sister, my dearest mother, and my friends would sternly chastise and reassure me. This gradually pushed me a few feet away from depression. I saw God through my mother.
Speaking of friends, I have a few honorable mentions.
To Merlina, thanks for being patient and understanding with me. Ikot, Buchi, Godwin, Bhee, Joy, and Maryann, you’re phenomenal.
I am proud of you, Gloria.
To Lightening McQueen, who’ll read this draft first, thank you.
Jennifer and Tania, your presence in my life adds color to it; thank you for your encouragement. I love you all.
I’d like to spare a thought for the ones who made a brief cameo in my life.
Often, we hold on to people while they prove to be as slippery as an eel. Believe me, I think only of the good memories you brought into my life.
Health
I have struggles with my physical health, but this year they took a backseat for a more pressing concern: my mental health.
At the start of the year, I handled my anxieties pretty well, but that didn’t last long. I still struggle with it. I struggle with insomnia; my mind moves at 100mph at all times.
Perhaps I am constantly haunted by the fear of failure that I feel I must outrun; who knows? I am trying, and sometimes it is all that matters.
Hobbies
I wrote a lot this year, I sang more, I spent time with friends and family, and I became a wee bit confident in documenting these memories. I renewed my love for poetry and kept up my consistency; this is a proud highlight for me.
Karmon’s comment gladdened my heart with tranquility. He said, “Your writing makes me enter an ocean of somber tears, bathing in its fear, drawing a mental blank. Wild and wowing.”
Bornwell reignited my love for nature with late-night sit-outs. I never realized how much I missed the gentle rustle of leaves in the evening breeze. The perfect escape from relentless capitalism.
Nadera, you’re my favorite reader. :)
Camilo’s tunes are music to my soul, and NF is my feral doppelganger.
Chelsea keeps breaking my heart :(.
In 2024, I wish to do more, travel more, and perhaps learn to play a musical instrument. Who knows? I also should get better at French (please help me, Gloria).
Professional Highlight
Looking back at the year, I had a couple of proud professional highlights.
A few of those moments:
- Ghost wrote PayFac articles for a top 2 PayFac brand
- Thanks to Shanker for the opportunity. It pleases me to see how helpful readers found the articles. - Co-Partnered with SLB to draft design plans and publicity content for the Digital Acceleration conference(s) held across Europe and the Middle East
- Thanks to late ‘Day’, Flora, Daniel, and Onkar for working with me. I wouldn’t have done this without you. - As always, I built magic with Mobstudios
- Special thanks to the team and to Mudaser, my team lead. - Our games have received over 100,000 cumulative downloads this year
- To Usman, Ubong, and all the artists, thank you. - I secured a Cisco Cybersecurity training scholarship and aced the boot camp!
- Gratitude to Ingressie for Good. - I contributed to a Workshop Facilitation brand launch, helping secure $20k in grants within four months as a project manager
- My gratitude to everyone I am not allowed to name; I appreciate you all.
Wrapping Up
I sought to make this review rather personal: it has been a year of overwhelming grief, pain, uncertainty, and amid these, I will be unwise to not express gratitude.
I express gratitude for what is: I express gratitude for the strength to navigate through the beautiful mess. To my family, I love you.
What is life without pain?
Evidently, this isn’t how I want it to be, yet God gave me the talent to write my own story.
And write; I will.
2024
Lento y contento, cara al viento.
