How Eating Meat Became an Act of Self-Care + Critical Making Project

Diamond Alexander
Sep 5, 2018 · 5 min read

I genuinely love food. Like really, really love food. And I always have — whether it was real or make believe. I loved making green Play-Doh pancakes for my family or pretending that I was on Emeril Live! by mixing spices and ketchup together and emphatically yelling “Bam!” every time I threw in a new seasoning. I was obsessed with eating and making food back then and the thrill of eating or cooking something delicious is still alive in me today.

I also love animals. Since high school, I’ve eaten a mostly vegetarian or vegan diet with some periods being more strict than others. I was even vegan in Oklahoma for a year which is an incredible victory in my mind! I usually felt really healthy and at peace eating this way and would ignore any side effects because I knew I was doing the “right” thing.

Which is why when I began to have more serious dietary and digestive issues that I couldn’t ignore, I was distressed and confused. No one else in my family was having issues digesting certain foods and I didn’t know anyone in my life who ate a “special diet” out of necessity. I felt alone and frustrated that my “healthy” diet wasn’t working. Where I was once thriving on a plant-based diet, I became extremely fatigued and couldn’t hold onto my food. I developed rashes and eczema and other gross issues. I then went raw vegan, doubling down on my “healthy eating” efforts, hoping the cleansing and detoxing effects of whole foods would clear up the problems. But things became even worse and I had to acknowledge something was wrong.

I bought so many different books, watched at least a hundred hours of YouTube videos, read tons of blogs, trying to DIY myself out of this problem. I would find relief sometimes and then other times would be doubled over in pain. I eventually met with a doctor and learned that I had developed Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I was experiencing symptoms of inflammation in my body due to poorly digested food particles not staying where they should in my digestive system. As I planned out a new diet, I had to admit that the foods I thought were the healthiest, were not an option for me. What “felt right” psychologically was wrong for me physically. This paradox in my mind was so difficult that I fought my own body for months afterwards, refusing to properly care for myself, even when I felt sick.

I would know that certain foods bothered me but I stubbornly and pridefully thought I could overcome my physical symptoms by the power of my mind. I enjoyed the pride boost I received by being “plant-based” and didn’t want to “give in” and eat animal products. I would order tofu even though I knew I would suffer later. I would add vital wheat gluten to my veggie burgers, knowing I would get a rash. I would buy food and have to give it away or throw it away the next day because I didn’t feel well enough to keep eating it. I truly thought my body would have to conform to my ethical decision. And I continued to feel terrible as a result.

Eventually, I decided to give a “traditional” diet a try, incorporating animal fats and products into my diet, as well as soaking and fermenting any grains. Last fall, I ate a beef burger for the first time in a really long time — it smelled disgusting! But I also felt better the next day than I had in months. I do not have my diet all “figured out” at this point, taking some steps forward and some painful steps backwards, but I do eat animal products on a regular basis and feel good.

I titled this story the way I did because I truly believe that choosing to eat a diet that has increased my health, improved my symptoms, and nourished me me (even though it was in direction opposition to what my mind approved of) has been a huge act of self-care. I had to choose to take care of my body rather than uphold the self-righteous badge of being a non-meat eater. I had to choose the diet that worked for my body and endure the rude comments and questioning from those who didn’t understand or thought I was flaky. It has not been easy and I pray there comes a day when my body has healed enough for me to have more options in my diet. In the mean time, I will continue to choose my health and vibrancy over my ideological preference. Choosing to nourish my body by my food choices, instead of knowingly hurting my body, is an ongoing process and I am daily learning to show myself grace.

As a part of my graduate program, I will be working on a project in the realm of “critical making” that will hopefully integrate the various technologies and techniques I learn in the other studios. Based on this diet journey, I would like to create a mobile app that is both a diet resource and daily encourager for those who are adhering to a special diet and need a reminder that their decision is an act of self-love. Food is an important part of everyday life and it can be scary, isolating, overwhelming, and discouraging when the way one eats is altered. Special diets not only impact the person adhering to them but they also impact a person’s social gatherings, work relationships, spending habits, and self-perception. I believe a simple mobile app that provides suggestions for common food cuisines when the user is out and that also sends inspirational reminders as to why the person is sticking to the diet can help decrease some of the emotional turmoil that often results from a special diet.

I am still figuring out the details but, as I am a brand design student, I have some branding ideas already :) I am thinking of calling it “Lark” and giving it a yellow and black brand color scheme. I don’t want a beige and green, “all natural” look because I want this to be an app that is exciting, energetic, and impactful. The word “lark” has connotations of frolicking, fun, adventure, and even a little bit of a prankster vibe. I like this because those words sound like freedom and joy — which are emotions that dietary restrictions tend to take away from a person in my experience. I want to create a product that produces a sense of frolicking freedom and joy in the user as they realize they are loving, not hurting, themselves with every positive food choice they make. Excited to update on this as the year goes on!

Super rudimentary but the first rectangle is a loading screen and the second one is an example of a notification saying “You’ll feel SO good w/o gluten today. You’ve got this!”
Diamond Alexander

Visual Designer + Developer building cool stuff in Denver, CO. MA in Strategic Communication Design at CU Boulder (August 2019)

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