In some cases, losing a best friend can be like a painless loss with a non-existent-recovery-process; in other cases, losing a best friend feels like agonizing heartache or getting a root canal or filling without an anesthetic.
The thing is….we usually know when the demise of a relationship is coming. We feel it. We sense it. We see it. I remember when I knew one time. I remember listening to my best friend (at the time) gossiping to me about another “best friend” of hers, and for years I never let that memory dissipate; in the back of my mind, I was always wondering if she was doing the same towards me. Gossip tears friendships apart (if you didn’t already know); gossip lets you know how deep your friendship goes and the character of your best friend. I could never fully trust that best friend again, and I started to feel a shallowness within our relationship thereafter.
But then again…other times, relationships with our best counterparts simply end — for their own unique and unknown reasons. Many times it is for the best, but that does not mean the ending will be smooth and painless. Relationships are like the ocean waves — ebbs and flows; they constantly change and go through phases of distance and closeness. But some relationships dry up instead of continuing the rhythmic pattern they danced to for so long.
I have lost many best friends throughout my life (most of which were due to outgrowing the relationship and life changes); some endings affected me more than others, but most endings did not hurt. The ones that did hurt me though, I did not always quite understand, because those were the most shallow relationships. Those [relationships] were the ones that I knew would not last; those were the ones that reminded me that I could do better in the friend department. Maybe the demise of those friendships hurt me the most because I wanted to believe we shared a genuine bond that never truly existed; maybe they hurt me the most because I wanted to believe that our friendship was deeper than reality…
We can never force friendship; we can only continue with the ebbs and flows, and if those waves dry up, then moving on is the only and best option. Forcing friendship only makes the end hurt more.
Remember, losing a best friend doesn’t have to mean everything, but it always can mean one thing: the door has opened for another special person to come into your life. It will be MORE than okay. Let go. It’s time. xo