Are we looking deep enough?

Last month, I kayaked through a sky full of stars and trees consumed by shimmering fireflies lighting up the night skies.
I swam through fish with hundreds of stripes, colours and attitudes.
I waded through half-submerged caves full of bats fluttering lazily into another corner totally unconcerned by my presence.
I met a man who warranted the Philippines was the happiest and safest country on earth, disregarding all the western media suggestions to the contrary.
I really did see the world in this last month or so!
We live in a world with so many beings, so many moods , and so many temperaments. Labelling what we see, stereotyping what we notice or generalising what we experience is the easiest and most organised way to make sense of this mind-boggling entirety.
Today, I sit here to write about stepping away from our over-trained, trusted eyes and looking at the world from another lens; the lens of that nervous, clumsy person in front of you in the room who you avoid eye contact with; the lens of that loud, assertive woman you nudge your friend about; the lens of that homeless, drunk man on the A train who you sit as far as possible from.
To show you the world through that lens, let me take you to my favourite place: my classroom.
Over the last ten years of teaching across schools, countries, and grade levels I have noticed lone rangers in every classroom. They stand in a corner, with a look of engagement, yet withdrawn. They show an eagerness to interact by chiming in at open questions, yet are reluctant to engage in conversation.
When I notice this lone ranger in a first grade classroom, he is playing a two-player car game with sound effects and an imaginary second player.
In fourth grade, his face is securely protected behind a computer screen or a book with his eyes scanning the room and his face behind his shield.
In grade ten, he is humming while playing the guitar close enough for his peers to listen, yet at a distance saving him an interaction he would not initiate.
Who are these lone rangers?
Sometimes we label these lone rangers as arrogant, sometimes defensive, sometimes socially awkward and sometimes shy.
Why are we not wondering what lies beyond those defences and squabbles?
When will we begin teaching our kids about ‘them’ and hope the ‘me’ would find more context in the process?
I always try to pluck the bigger problems of the world and put them back into the four walls of my classroom, gently toss them around there, let them disintegrate and then fit them back in the world to make more sense of them. The bigger problem I attempt to disintegrate through the minefield of my classroom today is : How did we raise ten-year olds, sixteen year olds, (and most forty-year olds!) who only view the world with what their eyes permit them to see?
Let us step back to a few situations.
Let’s think of the time when we had a five-year old ask us, “ Why can I not steal candy from the shop?” We probably said something like” “Because stealing is bad” or “If you get caught, you can go to jail.” or “You will get in trouble” or “Bad people steal.”
And, in this moment we taught that five-year old two things. ‘What will my stealing look like to the public eye?’ and ‘How will this affect me?’
Now, let us look at another situation that I face multiple times a year. I hear a parent tell their child to ignore the friend who said something mean to their child. They say, ‘Don’t talk to the mean girl!’ You must think that is a perfectly viable, logical solution.
But, what we don’t see is that by putting this label on the ‘mean girl’, we unrealizingly teach their child how to fit people in boxes, boxes with superficial labels. We teach our children that the ‘good people’ labelled box does not allow infiltration by labels like ‘mean’ , ‘angry’, ‘unreasonable’ or ‘jealous’ .
This ‘good people’ rhetoric suffocates the real person, suppresses unrefined thoughts, and creates self-hate, loathing and guilt.
The ‘ignore the mean girl’ chant forgets to teach the child to look beyond the exterior coarseness and wonder why that friend might be mean. It forgets to look for the hurt that friend might be hiding through that façade. It could be a plea for attention she might be screaming for underneath those vile eyes.
Had we told the five-year old who stole the candy a different narrative that included an explanation about ownership and an understanding of the five-year old’s intent while stealing, it could have changed his future interactions with such situations.
This five-year old started to look at his world with that same myopic, two-eyed lens that he learned that day in the candy store. His right-from-wrong meter tipped based on when his parents got mad, when his teacher got cross, when his friend got aggrieved or when the law unleashed its wrath. In these instances of disapproval, it all stemmed from the disapproval’s effect on ‘me’.
We successfully raised a child with a hyper-focus on ‘me’. He did all he could to always stay in the safety net of those honourable labels and disengage with those that took him away from those admired boxes or those that threatened his place in them.
He didn’t talk to that boy behind the Star Wars book because his friends would think he’s uncool. He mocked the girl in the ugly sweater because who dates those ‘grandmas’ anyway! He didn’t steal his father’s credit card because if his Dad found out he would get grounded. He ignored the homeless man on the train because asking for money with a fake story is what those homeless always do.
Jack Keroauc wrote, “One man practicing kindness in the wilderness is worth all the temples this world pulls.” If we looked beyond the guise of labels and wondered why people do what they do, why they say what they say, why they act how they act :
Would someone hum along the guitarist in class? Would someone ask the kid behind the Star Wars book, out to a game of ball?
And when we put this back into the big frightening world outside of my classroom, would we see lesser suicides, lesser substance abuse, lesser pills to alleviate depression, lesser insomnia and lesser hate in the world?