The worst bullies are my own thoughts.
There are times when my self confidence just simply drops. I dunno if other girls are like this too but… It’s like I suddenly feel so inferior. Like, every other girl looks so pretty, and here I am looking so plain. Even sometimes I don’t like looking at the mirror because I think I look unattractive.
I suddenly remember the time in highschool when a guy told me I was pretty, so he liked me and stuff.
It made me think, what if I was ugly? He wouldn’t even look at me, right?
I don’t really have a bright personality. And I don’t think I’m interesting either. Just your average girl who is kinda tomboy-ish. I’m not that smart. Okay my grade was great and I was on top in my class, but… It was because I’m good at memorizing stuff.
You know how school is actually not testing your intelligence, but your memory?
Yeah, that’s it. That’s how I could get good grades. And I think that’s what made me look smart.
This makes me remember some other time when another guy told me he idolized me because I looked perfect; I was pretty, smart, kind, etc. He exaggerated, I know. But when he said all that, it made me question myself.
Is that who I really am? He didn’t even know I could be a mess, I’m self-centered, I hold grudge against people.
It makes me wonder…
- Did I live my life with multiple faces?
- Or maybe I still do?
I’m not even sure which one my real face is.
- The one who’s so polite to others?
- Or the sulky one?
If I was a fictional character, would I be:
- The likeable one?
- Or the emo protagonist?
- Or a villain?
- Or maybe some unnoticed Girl B?