Red Eye 👁 Post # 40: Steadfast

The men who have changed me for the better all have certain qualities in common. They are steadfast. Their conversation can be like quicksilver, but the residue it leaves is solid rock, a place to stand. I can build on it, in their absence.

The unnerving glare across the table, at times, the text with the update and the estimated time of arrival, the openness of aspect when on duty, so to speak, the protocol which forms the patterns of their conduct.

When I was younger and heedless, I found this repressive or irritating 😠. But now, not so. Each spark and flighty ephemeral outburst is built into a structure.

There are downsides to this, for sure. The stubbornness and the bull-headedness. Too headstrong, one may say. But if the headstrength is connected to strength of will and strength of heart, our friends are electric.

And I am fortunate in this: that, even though I think I am a butterfly 🦋, lightly arriving and leaving, playing the fields of other people’s dreams, these men of gold and granite offer me a reason to stay.

They care, and continue to care, despite the stresses of time and distance and schedules. A unique rhythm builds. A specific conversation, patterned and idiomatic and interspersed with dream and memory.

And I have this thing where life is not long — simply because I cannot bear much of it at a time, just now. So everything matters, of course. Little ordinary things. The everyday events, so spectacularly simple.

And there is a very small place, which it all breaks down to: that black spiralling circle, where none can enter but those who are already known, who understand.

And what happens then, is the slow and subtle creation of hope. It is faith, that the sun ☀️ will rise. That conversation will continue. That one day, in the glorious future, there will be space enough for graciousness, and flow.