I Miss The Old Days Of Air Travel, When We Wore Suits and Were Hijacked By Libyans

Devin Wallace
Jul 28, 2017 · 2 min read
American Heroes

Kids these days will never know how lovely the world of air travel was in the golden age. We weren’t distracted by emails and Facebook and “race relations.” No, it was a time of prosperity. Look at air travel these days. People getting dragged off planes, not wearing a single pair of shoes. It’s embarrassing. In my day, we knew how to fly in style. Everyone dressed in their Sunday best, a stiff drink in your hand, and halfway through the flight a group of Libyan hijackers would demand Pan-African independence and hold your flight hostage.

I know I’m wearing rose colored glasses, but that’s how we did things back then. The flights were spacious; you could sit your sweetheart on your lap while a “freedom fighter” held a box cutter to the pilot’s neck and told him to fly to Cuba. Oh what you youngsters missed.

They had in-flight meal service, and none of this old bag of peanuts and expensive bottle of water nonsense. We had real meals, a good American steak, and those hijackers would keep us fed the entire twenty-hour ordeal we circled around a country without an extradition treaty.

You kids complain about not having WiFi on a plane, whatever that is. In my day we didn’t have to bother with the Internet in the air, because we were too busy taking off our shoes and lining up at the back of the plane while we learned the evils of U.S. imperialism in numerous African nations. It was like sweet music to my ears.

No crying babies either. Our captors shut them up real quick. No, we drifted to sleep to the sweet tunes of “Death to America! Death to colonialism! Long live General Gaddafi! Everyone on their knees!” Boy, oh boy, you would think you were listening to Buddy Holly.

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