My Resume Speaks For Itself and I’m Sorry It Won’t Shut Up About the 2006 Mets

Devin Wallace
Jul 22, 2017 · 2 min read
Please ignore Mr. Piazza.

I’d like to thank you for inviting me in for this interview. As I said in my cover letter, I’m incredibly excited to join your organization and truly believe I have the perfect skill set for the position. I have the requisite experience, the can-do attitude, and to be entirely frank, I believe my resume speaks for itself. That said, I do apologize it won’t shut up about the 2006 New York Mets.

As you can see from my employment history, I’ve worked at three different recruiting firms, the last for a stretch of seven years, and that my resume believes the 3–4–5 trio of Beltran, Delgado, and Wright was the total fucking package that catapulted the 2006 squad to the playoffs. Now, I know my resume doesn’t indicate it, but I’d like to talk about my freelance social media marketing experience instead of how my resume believes the Pedro Martinez experiment was nothing more than a shallow shit-show ratings grab.

I’m particularly proud of my recent certifications in the field, and much less proud of the way my resume talks about “that bum Billy Wagner,” who honestly did a fine job for the Mets, even if he got a bad wrap in the Daily News. And if you’ll ignore my resume pining for the days of good ol’ Glavine tossing a shutout seven and handing the ball over to the bullpen, I think you can really see where my leadership responsibilities in past positions make me an ideal candidate to lead your new department.

I’ll lay it all out on the table: I want to work for your company. I want it badly. I want it more than my resume wants the Wilpon family to pack their shit up and haul ass out of Queens. I’m not embarrassed by my enthusiasm. How could I be, when I’m constantly ashamed every time my resume knocks back one too many at Foster’s and cries about Mike Piazza? It’s disgusting. But if you look past that, I think I’d be a wonderful addition to your organization.

P.S. I’ve also attached my cover letter, which goes more in-depth on my digital media skills and has some certain thoughts on a Mr. Stephon Marbury.

Written by

@thedevinwallace

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