What’s The Deal With Airline Food And The Salman Rushdie Fatwa?

Thumbs up or Thumbs down on the fatwa?

Say, what’s the deal with airline food, am I right? You pay hundreds of dollars, you’re riding in a multi-million dollar vehicle, and all they can give you is a lousy bag of peanuts? Cheapskates. And another thing, is that fatwa on Salman Rushdie still going on?

Baggage fees, no leg room, delayed flights: it’s a nightmare. How are people supposed to deal with this and how would I get in contact with someone if I were to try and finish “the job” on the fatwa offer?

I understand it’s a low-margin business and I understand it’s been decades, but how in the world has no one thought in-flight meal service would boost customer retention and a sweet packet of cyanide would off Salman Rushdie in no time? Use your heads, ok? If anything, I would kill Salman Rushdie for one thousand U.S. dollars.

Sure, this is a cliche. We’ve all seen the Seinfeld episode where he talks about airline food or the Seinfeld episode where he murders Salman Rushie to accomplish the Ayatollah’s fatwa decree. But I haven’t seen any changes, people. The man is still alive and well, free to sit for six hours on a plane with only an apple slice and a seven-dollar bottle of water to keep him going. Fine. Five hundred dollars and Rushdie is gone.

It’s 2017, can we get with the picture? I’ll take all the help I can get. If you have the customer service number for Delta Airlines or the customer service line for the Islamic Republic of Iran, gimme a ring, will ya?