“This doesn’t mean the partner of the male mind can’t express negative emotions. However, any hint of blame can be shaming, and makes things much worse, and more overwhelming. Often people don’t even know when they’re being blaming, but one shortcut is to think about whether what your saying in any way makes the other person look bad or feel bad.”
The thing I’m saying is, I can’t detect an acceptable way to approach a request for change. There IS NO perfect way that I’ve seen to ask for these things. Noticing or bringing up something in ANY fashion is seen as blaming whether you’re just noticing an issue or not. ANY change to the status quo is often seen as this form of failure. You seem to imply that there’s some magic way to do it , but I’ve never experienced that ,not from whatchilg functional couples and not from trying a variety of different things. So you’re response isn’t terribly valuable to me, sorry.