I just posted your essay to my FB page with this comment: This is a raw and important description of what PTSD feels like. We tell ourselves stories of worthiness about the struggle, but, in the end, it’s about the toll it takes.
The simple truth is that violence traumatizes everyone who comes in contact with it and has a ripple effect. It doesn’t take much to hurt a lot of people.
Though the source of my trauma is different, your observations are spot on. Thank you for confirming many of my thoughts and feelings.