Sophie’s Seven Steps for Social Media Success

Avoid irrelevance.

  1. Carry a small stepladder with you at all times: unusual angles are everything. Everybody knows any picture not taken as though passing overhead in a crane is a frothing pile of hot garbage.
Undermine the ‘flat-lays’ of others by imagining that they had to nail everything to the wall in order to take the photo. Perspective is a powerful tool.

2. Arrive late to everything. Every spare moment in your day is an opportunity for posting, retweeting, sharing and hearting. If you are on time, you aren’t walking slowly enough while bending over your phone. Also, by the time you are there everyone else will be nicely assembled to be in the background of your Catching Up with Friends selfie.

3. Train yourself to speak in 140 character sound-bytes. Less is more. No, less. Less is less. More is bad.

4. Be ruthless with your public image. People who own drunk/disorderly/semi-naked photos of you should wake to find their laptops and devices smashed/missing/covered in magnets.

5. Write anything. Write everything. No one cares? They will. You’re worried that your writing is meaningless and your thoughts are benign? It doesn’t matter. Simply by being, you are relatable, and therefore a precious jewel. Make a necklace of yourself and wear it for all to see.

A fancy typewriter will lend gravitas to even the most repetitive and self indulgent creative fiction. As in this photo, all the actual writing will obviously be done on a laptop, so schoolboy errors such as forgetting the paper are perfectly acceptable.

6. No matter where you are, ensure that no one can tell from the shot. All photos should be 90% you looking excited to be in the place that is only 10% visible. You must be of the mentality that the only interesting thing about where you are is the fact that you are there.

7. Shout. On social media, as in daily life, the louder you shout the more people will hear you. If no one is listening then you aren’t shouting loudly enough. As I examined in Step 5, it doesn’t matter what it is, as long as you are almost hoarse with screaming it. If necessary, switch to using a combination of ALL CAPS, or aggressively upbeat emojis. More emojis than words, if need be.

Sophie is the resident shouter at The Happy Startup School. She’s pretty darn new to the World of Digital Marketing, maybe you can tell.

If you really want to be heard, there is no substitute for an authentic voice. Don’t stake your every waking moment on cobbling together an affluent online persona, work on a small amount of true and engaging content, and the right people will sit up and listen.

For this and much more on getting your inner story straight, join us in Wilderness Woods on May 26th for How to tell Your Story so the World Listens with Seb Castro.

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