25 Lessons I’ve Learned in Last 25 Years

Every “humane” is a learner. They have unique experience that might be different with each other’s experience, so am I. I’m turning 25 this year, and I decide to archive my a-quarter-century experience into 25 points of important lessons I’ve learned. I make this writing just for my personal archive, but if you found any benefit from this writing, that would be my happiness too. So here are 25 lessons I’ve learned in last 25 years:
1. Embrace Failure
Failure is a casual thing. I’ve learned it the hard way in last 3 years. For me, I think I didn’t have any significance failure experience since I was a child until I graduated from college. Everything goes smooth until I need money to fulfill my live expenses by myself and achieve my dreams. I failed to be accepted to continue my master degree, whether national or overseas. When I got accepted to an overseas double-master degree, I didn’t get the scholarship. I couldn’t get along with office-works style. However I don’t really know what should I do, I decided to make music on my night-time and doing regular office work on my day-time. What future will bring, I don’t really know, one thing for sure I’m not afraid anymore to make more failures and success. So embrace failure, get used to it.
2. Family, Relatives, and Social Circles are Your Social Capital
You can invest your time to make money, to collect wealthiness, properties, and other stuffs that increase your pride (I know you want to feed your ego, though). But make time to socialize, to maintain your relation, with your main and big family is important too. They are your blood-relatives that might help you when everyone you know left you in a time you need them the most. Friends also are your social capital, although you and each one of them already busy with your/their own personal-business. Make time for them, and you’ll be surprised with their kindness also.
3. You’re Not The Greatest!
I thought I’m the smartest one, the bravest one, and I can do anything without any significance preparation and help from others. I used to have that thought before I’ve graduated from college. After that I got acquainted with some failures then I realized that there are so many people better, smarter, braver, luckier, and brighter than me. Every single thing was a competition to me, to compete with others was a must for me. Then I realized that you compete with yourself, not with others. And to be a better person, you need other people helps. So recently I’m learning to collaborate not to compete with others.
4. Know Your Limit by Trying
In my 25 years young, I think I haven’t really know myself yet. What I’m good or bad at, what is my life purpose, and other existential questions that needed to be answered. What I’m trying to do is keep trying on those things until I know my limits. And sometimes I think being stubborn is a good thing. I mean, if I’m craving for something so bad, and I’m already try my best to achieve it but I couldn’t get it yet, I will ask my little heart “should I continue or stop?”, If my heart tells me to keep trying, then I will. In order to complete this lesson, it’s good to quote this words: “change your approach, not your goals”.
5. Learn to Make Commitments
I still think that I’m a freeman, dreaming of freedom and against everything that connected with commitments. BUT, recently (by “recently” I mean last 1 year or 3 months) I found that commitment is a kind of enforcement to stay focus on your goals. All you need is to decide your rightest goals and make the fittest commitment for yourself. That’s not an easy task however, because wrong commitment means prison for yourself, otherwise right commitments is an enforcement to pursue your goals.
6. Make Time to Meditate or Do Any Form of Headspace Activity
The term headspace itself already describe what kind of activity is. It means giving space to your head, your soul, your-self. How many hours you force yourself to being busy (not productive, might be), to staring screen, to do dull daily routine? It’s not really hard to spare your 10–30 minutes to doing nothing but contemplate, enjoy your own breath. When did the last time you enjoy breathe in-breathe out moment? In my 22 years young I was learning to meditate and the effects are superb. What I’m keep trying until now is to be regularly consistent doing it, everyday.
7. Physical Exercise
Believe me, doing exercise seems like an ordinary thing, but the effects are extraordinary on me. When I don’t exercise, I become slothful, indolent, not excited, and sluggish. Otherwise, I become passionate, firm, and robust with one little different activity, exercise. It’s easy, all you need is willing to spare your time.
8. Don’t Hate What You Don’t Understand
This iconic poster slogan which is held by John Lennon and Yoko Ono during their “Bed-In for Peace” protest is a total lit! Now, I realized that so many things I do were the things I hated before. I used to not smoke cigarette, now I do. I used to hate men with tattoo(s), now I got inked. I used to think that marriage is a waste of time, now I think that marriage is a purpose. So don’t hate and judge one thing too early. There must be a meaning behind every act.
9. Save Some, Invest More, Try to Make More
This is a financial lesson, and I learned it the hard way (most of my lessons I learned it the hard way, by the way). Nah, I won’t describe this point because I’m still struggling to applied this one. But the sentence itself already tells you. Just read Jack Ma, Robert T. Kiyosaki, Warren Buffet, and other financial guru(s) by yourself.
10. Your Time Is Limited, Don’t Waste It Living Someone Else’s Life
You are not your parents. You are not your friends. You are not your relatives. You are not other people expectancy. Just hear them closely (hear, not listen), pick the good advice, cut the bad instructions, and do what your little heart told you. And do it with excitement and passion.
11. Make New Experiences, Broaden Your Knowledge-Horizon, Expand Your Social Circle
Keep growing, keep learning, stay hungry, and do it with fun. I don’t know with you, but for me staying in one place doing certain routine activities are boring for me, even though I know that I have to do that for make a living. In order to keep focus, I need some kind of transition like learning new things, reading new books, playing new music instruments, and meet new people. Open your mind to new things, even they’re not really understandable for you at first, be a life-time learner. Someday you might be surprised with benefits of keep learning.
12. Be Honest and Curse Like a Sailor (In a Civilized Way)
“We only live once”, they said. So be honest with others, with universe, and especially be honest with yourself. Me myself is struggling to being honest with others too because sometimes lying give me benefits, but I realized that’s not the way to take benefits. I believe universe will give you the best and fittest benefit to you if you do the right way too. Curse like a sailor? WTH it means?! What I mean is be assertive, speak out what you feel, what you think, what you need to say. You might be lose some “friends” if you’re trying to be assertive, but you won’t lose the rightest one.
13. Happiness Is The Way, Not The Purpose
You don’t do and achieve something in order to be happy. You’re happy while doing it, then you achieve your goals. Most people tend to misunderstand these two things, don’t be. If you’re really tired in between your process to achieve something, rest. Find transition activities, be refreshed, and get back finish what you’ve started. If at first you don’t succeed, keep laughing until you do.
14. Create Product (or Service), Don’t Just Use It. Everyone Is an Artist.
I think we are all market target, we are consumer, we consume other people/firm/communities products. But I believe we are good at something, at least one thing. You still have time to figure out 2 intersection things: 1) what you’re good at and 2) what society needs. The moment you find those 2 intersection, you can monetize (make it money-valueable) and actualize your talents. It’s not only about product, but also service.
15. Always Try To Make Something, Don’t Expect Appreciation
Try to express not to impress. After you make something you think and feel you’re good at, just act nothing to lose. Give your best, and let the universe taking care the rest. Don’t get down with the result at first, evaluate it, and do better for the next chances. After you have launched products or services to public, expect nothing. Quoting an Indonesian Band Efek Rumah Kaca, “Pasar bisa diciptakan, cipta bisa dipasarkan (market can be created, creation can be marketed)”.
16. Share More In Order To Get More
I know it sounds “beating the odds”, but it happens with me. When I share something, it will get back to me, moreover it has multiplied. I can’t give you an exact explanation, but I hope you can relate it to your personal experience too, as soon as possible.
17. Carpe Diem!
We only live once, we are all first-timer in life. There is no senior and no junior in life, only someone who came earlier, and later. So, live your life fully and passionately. Always think that your time is limited in this world. Take chances, and do your f-ing best in everything you do. Carpe diem!
18. Idolize Someone, But Don’t Copy Them
I know a friend of mine, an aged-one by the way, who doesn’t have any idol in his life. And as far as I know him, he doesn’t really passionate with his life. In my words he seems like “living is just existing, not being alive”. I know I shouldn’t generalized that one friend example, and saying that without idolizing someone you tend to become not really passionate with your life. What I’m trying to say is idolizing someone is a good thing, it means that you have a life model. Having a life model helps you assess which things you want to achieve and don’t. But don’t copy the entire of them. Pick their good sides, cut their bads, and be the best version of yourself.
19. Love Yourself and Try to Love Someone
I used to curse myself for what I’ve done. I’m still trying to love myself for everything that I have in life and feel gratitude of it. I started to write this draft at June, and thank God (or whatsoever you name it) I think I found my love, the rightest one already. I used to give some distance for romantic relation because I think commitment is “not so me” (take a look at lesson #5), but I have to tell you that giving love and being loved is the best feeling I’ve ever had, and you should try it. By the way, I demand you to send your greatest prayers for our relation in order to be endless and last forever (hahaha I use this #19 lesson to beg you, thank you by the way).
20. Whatever Happens In Your Past, Try to Take Control Your Future
I know you might be hate your past life/experience, might won’t forgive your past self for what you’ve done. But, try to accept that and let go your negative feelings. Past won’t matter, what matter is your future. Be optimist with what in front of you, just keep swimming forward.
21. Maintain What’s In Your Control, Let Go The Rest
Not everything is in your control. You can’t control other people responses and expectations toward you, you can’t control weather, economy condition, employee supply-demand index, political situation, etc. Just do your best, keep improving yourself, keep growing, and let go things you can’t control. Those are universe’s parts, not yours.
22. Upper + Same Level + Downer
I heard this lesson from my friend’s dad. Trust me, I don’t want to make any classification by that “terms”. But I believe everyone of us have perception about 1) those people who are better than yourself; 2) those people who are equal or in the same level with yourself; and 3) those people who make you feel grateful and you need to help them. Always learn new competencies and skills from those previous two (1 and 2), and always help the third one and learn how they cope their life problems. If you can take advantage of learning from those 3 groups, I believe you’ll be better person from time to time.
23. Be Discipline With Your Sleep Time
In 24 hours a day, how long is your sleep time? Do you decide it intentionally, or it fluctuates by your current condition? For myself, I’m trying to map my biorhytm. When it my creative hours, my rest hours, productive hours, exercise hours, doing-nothing hours, etc. It can be vary by your own need. And I’m trying to be discipline with my sleep time, because sleeping is an essential and physiological need. I’m trying to not to be exposed with screen (laptop, mobile phone, etc.) half hour before sleep, and I’m trying to add up to one hour before sleep. Because screen time will decrease your sleep quality, there are so many researches support that knowledge and I do believe that, cause I experience it by myself. I know if deadline is coming I still sacrifice my sleep-time, but I’ll keep trying.
24. Set Your Goals, Make a Schedule, Daily Targets, and Build Good Habits, Stick With It!
“Aim your goals as high as the sky. And if you fall, you’ll fall into stars and clouds”. I use to make a long-term and short-term timeline for my life-plan and projects. Sometimes (most of the time, by the way) it doesn’t goes smooth, but that helps me to decide where is the destination. A pilot will set their destination, where will they go with their plane. Even though wind, turbulance, thunder, blurry clouds, and wild birds will hinder their way, they keep flying towards their destination. Obsctacle is a certainty. Set daily targets in order to get near to your goals, make it your habits, and stick with it.
25. Discipline Without Purposes is Routines, Find Purposes!
When I graduated from my college, I immediately worked at a national company with a quite-high salary. But a young me was clumsy, take that position for granted, and I haven’t had any purpose yet back then. I felt like I hate big-office job. Then I move to the smaller firm with more dynamic work style, yet it felt like a prison for me. Doing office works are not so me. Then in last 1,5 years I found purpose. I need to make music, at least I feel like it’s my calling. And I found a woman I love. After then doing office work become way more “compromise-able” because I have purposes. I need to fund my music project and building a happy family. Even though I think that doing office works are just a leap step to a bigger “floor”, but then who knows? I’ll do my best.
That’s all folks, hope you can take benefits from my life-lessons. And, enjoy your journey!
(25 Years Young Me, 2017)
