I closely identify with a number of the scenarios you sketched. For a long time there had been a period of my life featuring similar traits as you described. Over time I evolved into someone having an ever increasing need and desire for the acceptance and approval of others.
If I do better, achieve more, become more successful, maybe then people will approve of and accept me as a person.
It turns out perceived excellence in people can inspire others, but also remind people of their own shortcomings. In addition a lot of people can smell when something/someone is a fake. Unfortunately many people who can smell a fake do not realize so at first. Having a sense there’s something not quite right about a person shapes and influences behaviour and interaction.
People often seemed to be distant, too far away to relate true acceptance and approval.
Those who provide approval and acceptance do so towards the person I projected, my true self is not that person.
It took a few years before I fully realized that when people don’t like me its in fact a scenario of not liking the not authentic self I projected. If people are going to not like me, their views should at least be based on my authentic self. Like or dislike me for who I am.
If I show my positive attributes and my flaws you may not like me, or maybe you do, I can only influence you by being my true self.
I am represented by one of the letters in LGBTI.
There’s nothing wrong with us.