the worst way to live
This blog is for days when I feel that I am not dedicated enough or not committed to the cause: I hope I remember that I sat on my desk, pulled apart the curtains, chose a podcast to play in the background and I wrote with a bleeding nose. As of today, I have officially given my blood, sweat and tears to this blog.
My days in the past week have been quite slow. I do not intend to brag, I hardly think it is worth applause actually that I have a relatively fast life which does not leave me with time to just be, to breathe, and live in the moment. Honestly, I think a life where you just run after one thing, then you achieve it or not and then, you’re onto the next, and the next, and the next — is not a life that should be celebrated. It’s a life to be looked down upon, if I say what my heart really feels.
It’s a life where you do not control your time, your actions, your feelings, your thoughts and emotions and why should such a life be desired by anyone? Who wants to wake up and look at their phone first thing in the morning, open their instant messaging and check for work updates? Not me, not any longer for sure. Who wants to dance with strangers in the dark when I can have dinner with family? Not me, not now.
I think I am going through my granny phase, or maybe it is here to stay — I don’t know. But I do know, I am at so much peace. I lounge in my pyjamas on the bed, then proceed to lounge on my pyjamas on the sofa and then follow it up by lounging in my pyjamas in front of the TV. And I don’t think I have ever, like ever, been happier.
I’ve barely used my phone, often just forgetting its existence for twelve hours straight. I have been staring at the ceiling. I’ve been reading books, watching shows and movies, having the occasional junk food, working out daily (yay!), taking walks in nature, listening to podcasts — God knows I loved listening to podcasts and then I got so busy doing life that I probably listened to one in the past two years. Here, I’ve listened to three in the past two days :)
I have been so busy with leisure that I have not felt the need to write a word, actually I could not be bothered. I have pushed myself to infinite lengths to open my laptop and clitter-clatter on the keyboard. For someone who has been working an hour or max two a day for the past week, I do not think I have felt the deep sense of purpose for what I do when I do the same for countless hours on regular days. I guess, scarcity really adds some perspective.
I also have not been writing because in my view, I had nothing meaningful to write about. Nothing worth sharing with the world for I am blissful in my bubble and would not trade anything for an interruption. We never hear the story of the family who lives on the hilltop, grows their own vegetables, lives in synergy with nature and animals and comes into the city to do their work, does it excellently, and retreats back to their space on every chance they can. It is because they are so at peace with themselves, they suffer from an absence of desire, greed or ambition.
And hence, the stories of the happiest, most fulfilled people remain untold as they do not wish to share. I guess, we all know now :)
P.S. I have a nose bleed because a pimple on the right side of my nose burst like a hot spring from the earth’s crust on a Thursday afternoon for no reason at all. C’mon, I had to cash in on it — it is the most adventurous thing that has happened to me in months (not complaining universe, forever grateful)
