The Poop Train Takes This Country . . .

In 1987, a giant barge hauling thousands of pounds of New York City garbage set sail from Long Island City and attempted to dock at a port in North Carolina, where the crew thought it had an agreement to unload its freight. But when state officials discovered that the ship was piled high with garbage, they rejected it.

Thus began a months-long odyssey for crew-members aboard the stinking barge and the tiny tugboat tasked with dragging it along the Eastern seaboard, around Florida and toward Louisiana.

The NYC Garbage Barge searching for a friendly port in the shitstorm back in 1987. Wikimedia Commons.

But then Louisiana rejected the trash, too. So did Mississippi, Alabama and Florida. Mexico dispatched its navy to ensure the barge didn’t dock along the Yucatan. The Bahamas and Belize also flat-out rejected it.

Turdy-one — excuse me, thirty-one — years later, another New York City waste management fiasco has captured the nation’s attention.

This time, it’s the poop train.

Scores of train cars filled with 10 million pounds of Tri-state area shit currently sit roasting in rural Alabama rail yard.

The sludge was generated by fiber-slurping New York and New Jersey residents — as well as, I assume, a portion of the 62.8 million tourists who visited NYC last year. And by all accounts, the poop train smells.

“Imagine sewage with manure,” Tammi Taylor, a resident of Adamsville, Alabama, told WPIX. “It smells like death.”

You give us Jeff Sessions and we respond in kind.

But that’s the easy joke. In reality, the sludge has chugged all over Alabama and affected the quality of life for predominantly low-income Alabamians. The people who have been getting shit on by local, state and federal lawmakers for generations.

In Parrish, Alabama, where the poop train currently marinates, about a quarter of the population lives below the poverty line. Maybe the state can arrange to reroute the train a few hundred miles south to Mar-a-Lago.

Earlier this week, New York City’s Department of Sanitation announced it would no longer ship its sewer sludge to Alabama’s Big Sky landfill, the final destination for the poop train.

But who knows? They might be full of shit.

🎵Now I’ve been crappy lately, thinking about that Tri-state dung

And I believe it could be — yep, that train contains poison

What I’ve been smelling makes me scream and I’m about to hurl my lunch

And I believe it could be, that feces baked by sun

Cause filled with Rego Park’s piss, there rides a poop train

Oh poop train makes this country, make its stink like bung 🎵