A Letter To 15 Year-Old Me

Dearest Felicity,

Before you bury your screams in your pillow again, tears down your face and wondering why you were born, I want you to know that that gut feeling of yours is exactly right. You’re not sure right now but there is that light you dream of at the end of the tunnel; it just takes time.

It’s hard being 15 isn’t it? There’s so much pressure in your life — at least, it feels that way, but in 10 years you will look back and appreciate how it shaped you as a person.

Don’t hate yourself because other people have chosen to hate you.

You’re tired of hearing it but the hateful words and negativity is a weakness in them — not you. It’s much more admirable to be kind and in a few short years you will have forgotten most of those arseholes anyway. Oh and the popular girls? They get fatter and uglier and don’t amount to much — true story!

At 15, all you want to do is blend in and keep up with high school’s social expectations.

But don’t! Please don’t be anyone but you! Let your freak flag fly high. Fuck the people who don’t understand and keep close the ones who do. You’ll still have those friends 10 years later and they will be all you need.

Don’t resort to hurting yourself when the going gets really tough.

First of all, your mother will find out and that is a really shit feeling. Secondly, it is no permanent fix and deep down you don’t intend it to be. Love and support yourself because no one else will.

In a few years you will wonder why people won’t help you with your mental battles.

The counsellor makes you feel worthless and your doctor more so. But you find strength within yourself. You really do, and by your early 20s you are mentally stronger than ever. What doesn’t break you really does make you stronger.

Your mother is right about that lip piercing you so badly want.

In a few years you will be bored and it’ll only remind you of your boyfriend, who you’ll have one hell of a messy break up with.

Soon, you’ll find that boys do find you attractive

and that you don’t have anything to worry about in that department. It’s ok to not be a twig and to enjoy food as much as you do. Life is for living, girl!

Jimmy Eat World will remain to be one of your favourite bands in the whole world

but don’t get hung up on who you should be listening to. Just enjoy it all. Don’t laugh but you’ll be nostalgic for Busted one day, trust me.

While we are on the topic, you’re never going to be in a famous band.

You’re not going to be a singer, either. You imagine that in 10 years you’ll probably have your own place, be famous for photographing people and be an independent badass bitch. The latter is always true but would you believe that you are now a civil engineering student? You’re also engaged to a guy who is the chalk to your cheese and it works. Not even matching music tastes.

By the way, before you panic,

I want you to know that change is inevitable and there’s no way you can avoid that. You’ll be in denial for a while but will eventually accept it and be happier for finally understanding.

There are some tough times ahead girl but if you’ve coped before you can cope again and you should never underestimate your own strength.

Just remember to: love your body, count your blessings, let go of the past, remember that silver-lining, avoid negative people and stay focused.

You will find happiness.

With All The Love in the World,

Felicity (“happiness”)