Stephen, I think you saw I finally got around to reading this story? Right after I read yours I read another short story that made it very clear what I was wanting from this story. Now, to be clear, I think this is written with precision, it’s a good story, but (yes a but) when I finished I could not place my finger on what I was feeling. It became clear after reading the other story. I don’t get to know your characters enough. I feel like this is an outline for a script, or much longer story. These kids, their parents so damn compelling, but I want more! That is kinda the cool thing. There is something tempting here, but I know that by the end when the big climax happens that is supposed to tug at my heart, I just didn’t feel it.
That’s my truth on this. I don’t read lots of fiction. There’s only one person I follow for their fiction. What I’m saying is my opinion really might be shit. Maybe if I read more fiction it would be different. I don’t know. I can only say that I wanted more character development.