I never knew and defined good in person. That’s why almost all the time I had no tendency in making friends or playing the normal life where everybody gathered, talked, met, interacted and whatever. I could not say, that girl was a good person or that guy was dangerous villain until they proved themselves as what they are. I didn’t have that superpower to look through your eyes and sneak out your soul.
But I had something to say about human.
They change. They mutate. Every single day. They are not what they were yesterday. We are in the circle of inevitable change biologically, mentally and cosmically. We are like a spinning ball of sand. Spreading out the sprinkle of ourselves grains to the universe. We are radiating the system with our words, attitude, mind and our dead skin cells.
Just like the stars above the horizon.
However, if you find me in different color someday… do not be afraid. Because a part of me would be the same for you.
This cardiac beating in my chest.
The part where you put a cotton candy from the night circus we went to on your 7th birthday.
The part when you cried out loud since you saw your father broke your mother’s heart. The worse you were the most broken at the time.
Unspeakable apology… I could not save you at your low. I should have been there for you. Unforgivable mistake.
You ran away from me with your broken wings.
Today I found a broken-wing bird near my porch. And I remember you. I was taking care of it now. I did’t have any intention to keep that sorrowful little guy. Not even to make him as a pet or friend.
For what I did to you and to your mother.
I felt I was the one who was no longer in rights to be with someone. I should be out of this life.
When I put the white bird in the wood after several days under my company, I heard someone called.
“Dove! It’s a dove, right?”
You were standing, running into me with streching hand out of your body. I saw you were to fly.
Like the bird I just released, he found a way back to the sky. You stopped after taking 67-step run.
“What happened to him?” you asked.
“A broken wing is an end for a bird. I just helped him to walk through bad days. He can fly home now.”
I thought, what could be an end for a man?
A collapsing job?
A burnt down company?
A crashed car?
A wife who was cheating with his best friend?
A daughter who hated him till she grew up?
“Can you fly, Dad?”
“You can make the bird fly again. You should have trained him so well.”
Oh, my dearest little girl…
“Where’s your mom?”
“She said she doesn’t want to take my playing time with you. She drived back home after I found you here in backyard.”
“Okay. Let’s have some cookies in the kitchen. I bought you crayons.”
“Dad, I want to see you flying.” She looked up to the crystal sky. Her eyes were more starry than the Northern Sky.
“Then, you should be my wings.”
Kediri, 12th March 2017.