MME
I’m learning more about how silence is a deadly thing and speaking up is something that doesn’t happen over night especially if you are going through extremely hard times, I will always encourage people to speak up though and it isn’t strange at all that it takes confidence to do so. There is so much attached to mental health issues and that is after ignoring the actual issue. For a lot of men it may be the whole “man up” thing which has really been exhausted to the point where people just say it so you can do what they want you to do, kind of like when the words “I love you” are misused. I don’t think talking about problems is the solution to everything but what we’ve tried clearly isn’t working for some of us so it is worth a go.
I believe that becoming a man is an extremely personal journey and it starts when you decide that you define your manhood, it won’t be easy because it is natural to care about what others think about you, it is natural to want acceptance from those around you but at what cost? I’m 20, a lot of what I know about being a man has come from the men who were around me as I was growing older and the boys who have grown with me. For me, it looks a lot like taking care of your family, being calm in moments of distress and if you do panic it should be in private then get over it and find success in whatever form you can. It’s being rational. It looks like showing no weakness, and having no weakness is a great thing. We should all aspire to be the inspiration for the next Hercules story but we are human so moments of weakness are inevitable, there will be moments were you will feel like “nah, this isn’t worth it” and if you’re like the person I was you’ll be more frustrated by the fact that you actually have these thoughts than the reason behind them. You’ll tell yourself to man up more than those around you will do so because honestly your real friends will be there for you 7 times out of 10. I say 7 because no matter what anyone promises, they cannot be there all the time but that is alright because 7 times is A LOT! And it is something to be extremely grateful for. There are so many helplines available if you’d rather not let your friends know as well. I just think the statistics surrounding male suicide is absolutely tragic.
I think there are so many coping mechanisms available to people and you will need to test them out to see what works for you but the thing about speaking up is you can help someone who is going through the same thing you are going through, someone who doesn’t know how to put it in words or how to approach his friends/family. Someone who doesn’t know that they can speak to friends/family about these things. Speaking up is so scary for so many different reasons, you automatically feel like everyone is judging you, next thing you know the imaginary man police will be coming to reposes your man card (this is a joke, don’t @ me talking about fragile masculinity pls) it’s like there is this shame attached to not being okay which is absolutely ridiculous. You need to out grow it. I always feel the need to explain things so this is what depression is like for me.
It’s hell. It’s breaking down in the middle of the night because of reasons you really cannot explain since your life is pretty great you know? It clouds so much of your judgement in this way, you lose focus of things that actually matter and begin noticing all the things that are going wrong. It’s getting up in the morning like last night wasn’t terrible and going about your day after spending what felt like hours in bed wondering how this could actually be life. “Like bro? Is this life?” You’ll say as you drag yourself to grab some breakfast, I pray you’ll always be in the position where you actually have breakfast because it really isn’t easy in this life. It’s you feeling selfish because you think you’re just being ungrateful and you “just need to get over it” and the crazy thing is that “just getting over it” seems to work for a while… Until you realize that you just bottled everything up and it all explodes out on a night out with your friends because apparently that is a suitable time for you to display everything you keep inside. It’s sleepless nights and really early mornings because your mind just refuses to go to sleep. It’s anger, a short fuse that goes off for things that don’t even matter. It’s being tired, constantly. It’s solitude, not wanting to do anything or interact with anyone. It’s airplane mode. It is so much more than I can explain really, but it ends with thinking that death is the best option and it NEVER is. Never.
I feel like people have gone through life just bottling things up and having unscheduled break downs but it can get too much, this really is your life we’re talking about. Some people pretend that they are okay because they hope and believe that everything will be okay, some pretend that they are okay because they see no point in showing anyone how they truly feel. Honestly, both are at risk. I started reading this book, The four loves by C.S.Lewis and this part stood out to me already:
“As soon as we are fully conscious we discover loneliness. We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually; we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves.” — C.S.Lewis
As much as some would hate to admit it, people need people. I understand that if you are someone who doesn’t talk about problems it will be really hard to just up and blurt your feelings to the world or even those closest to you but there are some struggles in this life which you don’t have to go through alone. When you feel overwhelmed mentally, reach out. Text your homies, call family, pray, do whatever it takes to help you get through. I’m learning that in such hard moments you just need to make it through more than anything else. You’ll look back and be like, that’s right! I did that! With help but still. It’s like that last rep which you just have to get through, you’re pushing and pushing but your hands are so stuck, you even start making that strange noise which is kind of like a grunt but it isn’t. Then this random stranger in the gym comes and gives you a bit of a boost and you get this added energy because YEAHHH! and you make it through, It feels like that last rep just doubled your strength. That’s what getting through hard times is like, after you’ve received help you’ll feel stronger. When you realize that by speaking up you’ve helped someone else, you’ll feel better even if it is only for a while. I don’t know if it is get through it once and all will be dandy situation, like I said man, I’m 20. I’ve had my share of moments and I’m still getting through, but teamwork makes the dream work man. Don’t struggle alone. Some people don’t talk about their problems but they automatically feel better when around their friends so they avoid solitude in general, this is great if you are never alone but I’m always skeptical about bottling things up. I don’t think it is worth the risk. If you are the person always giving advice and you always have everything together, you should know that you are allowed to be vulnerable as well. You are allowed to be comforted even though it feels icky. Take care of the people who always look like they have everything together, let them know that the friendship is two way and they can count on you the way you count on them.
One of my closest friends gave me advice; You know those things that could be good for you but you just don’t want to do? Like texting friends, going outside for a while, being around people… Do them. Just do them.
I didn’t say the advice was award winning but it is right, isolation can breed great creativity but also terrible thoughts. Try to take moments with those close to you and just talk about your lives, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I just realized how unfair that “good, bad, and ugly” statement is… why are there two negatives and one positive?? I want to give some hardcore advice to anyone going through anything right now but all I can really say is you’re not alone, be brave enough to ask for help when you feel like you just can’t anymore, continue doing the things that help you cope with life, don’t quit on yourself. Send a text saying “I need to talk to someone” then feel that risky text feeling tingle down your spine as you lock your phone so quickly because you can’t believe what you’ve done, then do it whenever you need help. Anyway I’ll end the post here. I’ve been writing a poem about silence and I’m only sure about the last line… “Speak up and save a life, speak up and the life you save could be your own.” the rest is still being created. Bye!
