Meditation for Programmer

When I was studying in junior college(diploma), I went through a strange experience(I guess it can be called as over-thinking, mind-chatting) which led to great depression.

Back then I didn’t realise that I was not being mindful, or that I wasn’t watching my mind.

To give a simple example, if I was reading/writing a small program say in Java(which I resist using since I became a fan of Python):

class HelloWorld {
public static void main(String args[])
System.out.println("Hello world!");
Random undesirable thoughts that my mind was generating were like: how the hell is it printing that message on the screen ? what exactly is happening behind the scenes ? why the keyword class is named as ‘class’ ? Holy shit!, it never stopped or slowed down!…

I could have given more suitable example instead of a boring hello world program but I don’t want to think too much about what has happened to me in detail in the past(intentionally avoiding going back in time!).

I guess it was like trying to find out the depth and breadth of ocean while floating on the surface. I couldn’t realize that in order to have a peaceful mind and a peaceful life, I shouldn’t be thinking of unsettling things.

I lost control of my mind and it started dominating me(backfired!), one stupid thought led to another(like a chain reaction), I was sleep deprived→ I began to panick → It led to depression.

I started fearing that if I do something(like reading, speaking to someone), disturbing & undesirable thoughts would pop up spontaneously and ruin the normal flow of life.

As a consequence, I stopped: reading anything, writing programs, interacting with people, smiling, never told anyone about this painful experience. And began to think for myself that something bad is bound to happen to me, and that I would never get to living a normal life.

Even though I tried hard to come out of this trap, most of the time I was unconsciously trapped by these unsettled thoughts. I hate being in that creepy blackhole.

I slowly made myself to be more conscious about what was happening to me, but unfortunately I didn’t know anything about ‘Mindfulness’ or ‘Meditation’ back then.

Evil thoughts kept coming like ads in TV, and I was trying hard to be more conscious, attentive so that the ads will just pass through like clouds in the sky without damaging my spirit.

Practiced this trick of being conscious; time flown by. I came across people mentioning about ‘Meditation’. Then I thought to myself ‘OK, it’s worthwhile exploring what this thing really means’. I read a couple of books, watched a bunch of videos and started practicing it.

Because I want to keep things very simple, I mostly go for a jog in the morning or do some physical exercise and sit still for 10–15 minutes focusing on breathing and bringing back the consciousness to breathing if mind wanders. That’s all!.

Practicing meditation for a few months now, I now feel that I’m being more conscious, being more mindful and figured out ways to deal with such alien thoughts.

I started learning new things, luckily learning to write programs in the languages I love, trying to improve and simplifying every aspect of my life.

I decided to share my experience because I felt that it could help someone who is facing similar problems.

PS: This is my first blog post. I hope you don’t hate it if it doesn’t resonate with you :)

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