What a devastating car wreck taught me about facing adversity in the moment
Do you know what adversity feels like? That brutal, gut-wrenching feeling that threatens to overwhelm you?
I had saved for years and purchased my first rental property. Six months into it and I had spent thousands and thousands of dollars on unexpected expenses. Every time I opened a statement from the management company I felt like I was getting punched in the stomach.
Within days of purchasing the property, one of the tenants had caused extensive damage to their apartment and then called code enforcement, never even notifying us there was an issue. To make matters worse, two of the tenants had decided paying rent was optional and a third was moving out.
I was debating putting the property up for sale. Honestly, I just wanted to be done with the whole thing.
I had just received the latest monthly statement from my management company and it was as bad as the previous six. I wanted to explode. Immediately I was thrown into a state of anger and depression.
I picked up my phone to fire-off some questions (in reality, vent) to the management company. When I unlocked my phone, it returned me to the previous app I had been using, LinkedIn.
From force of habit, I refreshed the story feed. I went to close out the app but before I did, the refresh completed. I was stopped in my tracks.
The first post I saw had a picture of a friend I had not spoken to in years, now in a wheel chair, smiling brightly while holding her daughter.
I stopped, my anger forgotten, and read the story. Unknown to me, she had suffered a debilitating car wreck and was fighting through a tremendous amount of adversity just to be able to walk again.
Just as quick as I had been thrown into a state of depression, I snapped violently out of it. The picture of her in a wheelchair, smiling and holding her young daughter forced me to rapidly alter my perspective.
It made me view my own problem from a much higher altitude. This was nothing! It was something that I could and would overcome! The incredible shift in attitude was tremendous.
My point is that adversity is often just a matter of perspective. Sometimes it takes a slap in the face to realize this.
Here’s the thing, you cannot discuss success without talking about adversity. Success is built on a foundation of adversity.
But… Adversity can also be extremely painful.
You can do everything else it takes to be successful, but if you cannot deal with adversity you will never be successful.
No matter how it feels in the moment, adversity is not the issue, how you handle it is. Successful people are better at maintaining perspective while viewing adversity as a challenge.
Since adversity and success are inextricably intertwined the question is not how to avoid adversity, but how to face it.
The two keys to facing (and crushing) adversity as it happens.
1. Realize that adversity is largely a matter of perspective.
The vast majority of our problems are not nearly as severe as we make them out to be. Nor are they as permanent as we think they are. The problem is that when we experience adversity it has a tendency to fill our vision.
There is a tendency to amplify things that cause us pain. We leap to the worst possible conclusions about what we think will happen.
Thousands of years ago this was a very helpful trait. It allowed us to identify the worst-case scenario, plan for it, and survive.
Today, however, this tendency leads to problems with perspective. Our survival instinct enlarges the problem to the point that it becomes our sole focus. It dominates our thought process and at the same time prevents us from stepping back and identifying the root cause of our problem.
The key is to take a step back from the issue. Take a deep breath and realize that it is a temporary issue. Regardless of the pain it is causing in the moment, when viewed through the lens of distance and time, it is likely we have greatly exaggerated the impact of the issue.
2. Perspective + Gratitude.
It is easy to pay lip service to the concept of perspective. Whatever we are facing, there is someone facing far worse. Even when we acknowledge that it could be worse, rarely does this improve our attitude. There is still that sense of anger or frustration competing with a sense of perspective.
We know that we should feel better about it, but we don’t.
My problems with the rental property I had purchased were relatively minor once I was forced to put it in perspective. However, just because I had a better sense of perspective, my attitude had not improved.
What allowed me to move past it was the fact that I actually became grateful at the same time.
There is a simple reason for this. The anger and frustration I was experiencing was a emotional response. When I put it in perspective this was a logical response. What I knew to be logical was in competition with a purely emotional response.
When we introduce gratitude, we are replacing one emotion for another. When we experience real gratitude there is no room for negative emotions.
Ever try being grateful and unhappy at the same time? It’s not possible.
The reality is that it is easy to discuss adversity when we are not in the heat of the moment, but the pain, the raw agony that we experience when we are in the middle of adversity can be brutal.
When you combine the steps outlined above you will not only overcome adversity but you will alter your whole way of thinking.
This newfound ability, when exercised like a muscle, will enable you to grow, facing adversity with increasing success. You must practice this just as you would any other skill. The more you do it, the better you will get at dealing with adversity as it happens.
This ability is critical if you want to be successful. There is no getting around it, you will face adversity. What you must understand is that adversity makes you stronger, that pain causes growth, and that if you repeatedly practice the simple steps outlined above you will conquer it.
If you enjoyed this article consider reading other articles by the author including this one on the importance of the people around you or this one on how success is earned, never won.
About the author:
Dan has decades of experience as a leader and mentor through his time in the military and law enforcement. His passion is taking that experience and helping you apply it to your day-to-day life in order to define and achieve personal success. Interact with him on twitter @dantruex
