Haha clearly whoever wrote this is fresh out of college…

1. Listening to music means at work you’re stoned or hung over.
2. If you’re at the office until 3 AM either you’re a opportunistic consultant or a salaried chump. For the latter, can be found spending half the day surfing so really only putting 8 hours or less anyway.
3. Caffeine keeps cortisol levels high which leads to retina degradation long-term…every older coffee drinker I know has vision problems…the non-coffee-drinkers fare much better.
4. Patience is browsing the internet until you feel like tackling the issue, which happens just about never. Progress is smashing your keyboard and punching holes in the wall until they send you home and then you can have a beer.
5. There is no real difference between Java and Javascript. They both are outdated tools used for sub-par projects desiring high levels of unsolvable bugs, expanding technical debt, low levels of quality, and a boss desiring as low of productivity as humanly possible to necessitate as huge of a development team as possible to put it down as a resume bullet point (managed a team of over 300 people for x product that could have been worked by a team of 4 in C#!).
6. People who work with code and don’t push paper don’t care about the difference between a coder, programmer, or developer. These words merely imply a pay difference, the only meaningful distinction when work is concerned, and this only matters during a job interview.
7. Going back to 2 and 3…sleep deprivation and caffeine spikes cortisol levels, leading to a constant state of stress and brain fog, leaving one intolerant of distractions. Especially if someone is distracting you from browsing Facebook because you’re too exhausted to do any actual work. If you consistently get 9 hours of sleep and just have a cup of green juice in the morning, distractions are easily tolerated.
8. Again, going back to 2 and 3. Immediate success happens fairly often if you’re well rested, properly nourished, and not twitchy from abusing stimulants. Pushing yourself to code until 3 AM everyday is very counterproductive and leads to many careless errors, and accomplishing less in a 17 hour day than a 8 hour one.
9. Duh();
10. No, hanging out with other computer programmers turns you into a dweeb. Hanging out with non-technical drunks makes you a better computer programmer, because then you’ll be better equipped to handle soft skill issues, politics, alcoholic sales people, alcoholic CEOs, tech illiterate customers, and then probably be promoted to manager later, at which point coding ability is superfluous. Programming as a vocation is just exchanging your ability to fulfill technical business requirements for less money than your manager makes.