I’m going to be nice to you because it seems you have been getting the beat down and the dragging of a lifetime. A lot of people are going to disagree with my being nice to you, but you’re not the only one hurting like this, so I will say it publically for anyone who needs to hear it.
You need to hear it from a fellow biological vagina weilding, uterus carrying, member of society.
“Silenced by men first and now trans women, will women ever not feel silenced?”
I understand why you feel that way and picked a very strong opening line to really pull your audience in. Your audience being women who think like you. Cisgender women have been silenced for centuries that is true, but not, in the same way, as transwomen. Stop. Before you get defensive, hold on to that little truth nugget. It’s impossible to ignore in your opening tirade and quite honestly it can’t be seen as anything but a tirade, came before how much you respect the “trans” struggle. You don’t. You clearly don’t.
You’re transphobia is not overt, you don’t “hate” transwomen but it is the same vein of transphobia that silences transwomen from being a part of “women” conversations. It’s exclusionary. You’re fighting for your voice to be heard, take a number, get in line, so is every other marginalized person.
So when everyone is shouting for their voice to be heard it certainly doesn’t help your reputation as an “ally” or your own personal cause when other people are talking for the first time in centuries if you tell them to shut up, the cisgender, because that is what is called when you are the gender you’re born with, women are talking. You become just as bad as the men who slaughter transwomen in public on camera as they have done dozens of times in the first six months of this year alone. You subtly suggests that cisgender women issues should be placed higher than transwomen issues and unfortunately for your arguement, that’s not how any of this works.
Because if you don’t listen and really listen to the problems being revealed to your sheltered cisgender perspective (because you don’t have a transgender perspective) how can you really be an ally to their fight?
“Forced to police your language”? You didn’t seem to have trouble finding a megaphone on Medium and getting it shared enough times that it ended up on transpeople’s pages even though they are not your audience. (It took you four paragraphs to get into how much you respect their fight, I have a sneaky suspicion you put your experiences before transwomen’s experience every. Single. Time.)
You talk about being a mother and childbirth, so alienating them from an experience they’re already dealing body dysphoria over is totally going to convince them to give a shit. “Your penis”? Do you have any idea how expensive surgeries can cost, financially? Emotionally? How about the cosmetic surgery so they “can pass for female” in your eyes and in men’s eyes so they don’t get literally ripped apart? That was the entire basis of the argument AGAINST the bathroom bill. The argument you make DEFENDS THE BILL. In addition to being sent dick pics…
Transwomen have several issues with Caitlyn Jenner, but you don’t read those posts, do you? You just make your own.
If the reason you don’t want to sleep with a person is solely/mostly because they’re trans, that’s transphobic. You are literally afraid of sleeping with a transperson. That’s what that word means.
Honestly, people don’t exist in a vacuum, isolated to their own struggles. You can help other people to while also making your voice heard. You had no problem doing that now, but with that much energy there’s probably a more effective way to get your point across.
Fighting against systematic oppression is not a rat race and whoever gets to the loudest megaphone first becomes a person. Look around, look how many stories of marginalized voices do you hear? Really hear? It’s deafening. Most people around you are afraid, oppressed and stressed. You don’t get better at having these conversations by screaming the loudest. Most of the time people just want to heard, so you can either be quiet for ten seconds, get some perspective and learn to address what’s actually being said or keep screaming and, I promise, nothing will change.
You also get privileges being the gender you were born with and it may not feel like it, but I’m sure if you watched any of the transgender people’s videos or read one of their posts, you’d become more aware…you’re not the only one with problems.
You talk about being a rape survivor and I am genuinely sorry for you went through that experience. But I’m going to level with you, as a person who has been abused to another, you’re still a person silencing another person, demanding their eviction from spaces they already fight to feel safe in because in a world that insists on building binary societal structures transwomen have experiences closer to yours than you think. There’s a good chance they don’t want to see that penis as much you do and they have to see it every day. 1 in 6 women are raped you said, you included the ones who pass for women too right? Like Mary from Brisbane, Hande Kader in Turkey, and the unidentified victims in a New Orleans prison. You counted them as women who were raped, right or does that only happen to cisgender women in yours eyes?
In the lines that divide marginalized people, some do adopt the language of oppression because they don’t see an ally using their pronouns coming in with the best of intentions. They don’t see a lot of people with the best intentions in the news and in their lives. You are talking to people who are hurt just as much and sometimes more than you do. If you want to really be an ally, you have to understand using their pronouns isn’t a trade. You do that because you’re a respectful person, not in exchange for space. Pronouns are not and never will be a social currency.
Everything you have said you are being forced to watch…so are they. And they will hear your voice on the side of the oppressors because honestly, that’s what it sounds like. Why would any transperson read your words and see how people agree with you and think they should give half a damn about your fight? Your rights? Did you think writing this would convince them to care?
It is transphobic to want cis only spaces. Just as it is homophobic to want heterosexual spaces, and racist to want white only spaces. That is why we don’t have those things. You have to understand where you are drawing the line between these groups and why transgender, homosexual people and people of color spaces are necessary. Because people get killed for crossing into the socialized “normal” spaces. You’re asking for a space to question the validity of transwomen as women, they are asking for space they know they won’t be killed in. That’s the difference.
You had the opportunity to speak about your problems and you took every opportunity to show how much you do not show up for transpeople. Every. Single. One.
You either take the note or you don’t.
But the way your post is getting shared you have a drawn a clear hard line between women and people like you.