Getting Unstuck & Out of a Rut
Losing the ‘victim’ mentality & taking back control.
I was in a rut. For several weeks, I felt like I was spinning my wheels, taking only steps backward. If taking one step forward and one step back is like the Cha-Cha, I would say I’m Moonwalking. Downhill. Backwards. On a thin sheet of ice.
On a scale of 1-10, 1 being the lowest of lows, I would put myself at about a 3 at that point. Which is weird, because I often talk about how much I love life, and I absolutely DO. I normally hang out around a 9 or a 10 on the “inspired” and happy meter. So, to get to a point where I am only feeling like this even 60% of the time, that’s a huge change for me.
At one of my most overwhelmed moments, I reached out to an incredible person & friend of mine, Ryan. Ryan’s the type of guy that makes you happy just to be near him, but, as an added bonus, is extremely inspiring & easy to talk to. We knew each other 20 minutes and felt like we’d known each other forever, that’s just the type of guy he is.
My rut was caused primarily from two Autoimmune conditions I have — Rheumatoid Arthritis & Sjogren’s Syndrome. I was diagnosed with RA 26 years ago, but spent a chunk of my 20s in remission until 2011.
I’ve been on and off Steroids, Biologics, Methotrexate, & NSAIDs for two years, though never really completely having it under control (yet running my first half marathon in a little over 2 hours & cycling150 miles in two days, regardless). My “normal” feeling is most people’s “bad day”. I really don’t remember what it’s like to feel perfect. Yet, I look healthy and hide it well, so most people don’t know.
A few weeks ago, the cold weather creeped in AND I had to stop taking one of my meds because of liver issues (side effects). This was a bad combination which resulted in sore/stiff/immobile hands, swollen knees & ankles, dry patches of skin, migraines, blepharitis,and a sore throat and flu symptoms for good measure. I have a high pain tolerance, but everything at once with the added bonus of glazed over, bloodshot & blurry eyes threw me over the edge.
I explained all of the above to Ryan who had no clue about my RA until that point, and he listened and said typical friend things, and then offered up some advice. It actually made me cringe because I knew he was right and I’d proved it to myself in the past.
He told me to remember that even if I can’t control my symptoms, I can control my thoughts.
For the record, that’s not advice I would ever give to someone with a chronic autoimmune disease. Ever. In fact, I may piss some people off by publishing this. I want to be clear that these illnesses are incredibly challenging, debilitating, and can be critical and lead to death from complications. In no way am I making light of them, trust me, I know how it feels to be in the depths of despair from them & I wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy.
That said, the way I deal with coping is the way I deal. Everyone handles it differently. I try to take an approach of healing through my diet and supplementation. I hope to one day achieve remission through that alone, and be able to live without my $11,000 a month meds. That said, Ryan’s words changed my day AND my rut.
“Well, you’ve been in remission for 6 years before, so it’s physically possible for you to go into remission again. So you can be hopeful about that. People have healed themselves from pain and all sorts of things by controlling the thoughts in their mind. Not saying you can or you will, but just throwing it out there. Maybe this is a sign that you really need to take this time to just focus on getting your mind in the right state.”
We spent the next few hours shooting the shit about life & “work” and our dreams. We talked about some really cool projects we would love to work on together. His passions are playing music (San Diegans know him as Rollie), coaching football, speaking, and inspiring people, especially kids, to live their dreams. My passions are inspiring high school students, and using the internet to connect with people all over the world and teaching other people how to do the same.
What proceeded was an extremely passionate and excited discussion with Ryan about how he can use social media as a platform to share his music and his story and connect with thousands more people to help him live his dreams. I shared a story of how I met some teenagers at a Juvenile Arthritis Conference I went to over the summer that, had it not been for Instagram, I never would have met in real life. I’ve built some solid relationships using these tools that turned into “in real life” friendships.
At this point I’m getting so excited just telling him about these things that he finally decides to commit and we set a date to drop some major social media clarity bombs on his life. (Which is exactly how I described how the afternoon would go, by the way.)
Do you see what happened here?
By the time I left his house, my excited and happiness level was right back up to a 9, exactly where I wanted it. I still had all the same physical symptoms I had when I arrived, but my spirit had been altered by getting excited to inspire other people and help them add value to their lives. It’s no secret to me that this is what fires me up. I do it every day with high school students and there is NOTHING in the world that makes me happier than knowing I could change someone’s perspective, morning, day, week, or LIFE.
The transformation and the process of getting UNSTUCK that occurred in that three hours was powerful. I went there to get help, and I left with both of us serving each other in some way, out of my rut, re-focused on my passion and my purpose.
I was FREE. It literally felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
I was EXCITED and RE-ENERGIZED.
I was back in CONTROL of my emotional state instead of allowing my physical state to rule.
I got UNSTUCK because I got off the internet and CONNECTED with people in real life.
I CHOSE to put myself in a room with someone who inspires me through their actions, not just their words or quotes on their wall.
I RECOGNIZED my emotional state and accepted constructive criticism and advice.
I DECIDED to share my passion, which lit a fire inside of me that’s still burning.
When you catch yourself upset about things that are “out of your control,” you should make a habit out of doing the things that make you feel “in control.”
I can almost guarantee it will help you get unstuck.
You can visit my friend Ryan’s Music page on Facebook here. He plays several times a week in San Diego and crushes it.
Do you have a story of coming out of a rut or overcoming incredible odds to take back control of your life? Add it in the field below, and please hit the green RECOMMEND button if you liked this post. I would love to stay in touch with you here.
