Tell me again to get over it

I agree that “Get over it” is useless. Like you’ll say, “well, crap, why didn’t I think of that?” It’s kind of like honking in the middle of a traffic jam. “Jeez, thanks. It’s not that there are a million cars not moving and blocking my way, it’s that I needed you to remind me to go.”

And I agree it is a breakdown of empathy. I think people feel very uncomfortable with someone else’s emotional pain (usually because they feel very uncomfortable with their own emotional pain), so they want it to go away, so they remind you to get over it. ‘Cause you clearly hadn’t thought of that yet.

I also think people are uncomfortable because they feel powerless. They want to help, they really do. If they had a magic wand, they’d wave it. If you were bleeding, they’d get you a band aid. If you had a broken ankle, they’d help you get a cast and crutches. But what is the band aid or cast for depression? Um…how about reminding someone to get over it, just in case they had forgotten to try.

My husband sometimes expresses confusion about how to help me. I tell him a big hug and maybe some murmured encouragement (you will get over this feels better than get over this, because in the middle of depression, you probably did forget this fact), love, support…it doesn’t need to be specific, just your basic nurturing coo that says the other person is there for you, you are ok and this too will pass.

So, in lieu of you finding someone to say those things in person, just remember, the crappy feelings will pass eventually, you will feel ok again sometime, you are a good, lovable person even when you feel depressed, you don’t deserve to feel this way and it sucks and is not your fault, but shit and shitty feelings happen. Be kind and gentle to yourself. And you will, eventually, in your own time, get over it. ❤️

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