You attract inspiring and successful people.
Your energy levels increase.
You feel at peace.
You feel whole.
You have less conflict and fewer problems.
You spend time with people who are good role models and affirm who you are.
You live according to your values.
You achieve your goals.
You love yourself.
Your life is balanced.
You get things done effortlessly.
You remember commitments.
Your life feels rich.
You find joy.
You look forward to getting up in the morning.
The definition of integrity that we use in personal development is: “the state of being whole and undivided.” Derived from the Latin “integer,” or numbers that cannot be fractions, integrity means “whole.”
Applying this to us as humans, having integrity is more than being honest with others. It is being honest with oneself. It helps us build our character.
In the world of coaching, we encourage client to define their own integrity, in their own way.
So what would wholeness look like to you?
If you are at a loss, try to find out where there is a mismatch between what you say and do.
- When I say to myself, I will go to bed at 10pm and get up 45 minutes earlier to meditate and exercise, but I stay up until midnight working, and I press snooze the next day, I feel disappointed in myself.
- When I say I am going to stay out of the business of close family and friends but end up giving unsolicited advice — which they reject angrily — I feel disappointed in myself.
- When I say I am going to stick to my eating plan, but I skip meals, snack in between meals, and end up eating on the fly, I feel disappointed, tired, and start to see my weight increase.
When I don’t act with integrity, I get critical of myself and others. I resort to blame. I become reactive, instead of proactive. I start rushing and living in a constant state of high adrenaline and cortisol. I have difficulty making decisions. I feel as if I were in a cloud. I start to have self-pity. These consequences lead to increasing problems.
It sucks to be out of alignment. So what do you do?
I try to find the source of each of these items. With the help of a therapist or coach I identify what’s out of alignment: where is the disconnect between my values and principles and my actions.
We have to identify the source so we can fix it.
My list shows that I exhibit compulsive behaviors in three areas: work, eating, and close relationships.
Work: If I plan my work in advance by looking at my goals, projects and tasks, I feel secure. I know I can stay on track. Using certain tools to assess priorities, I can usually determine whether I’m putting out fires or if something can wait until tomorrow.
Eating: Planning my food in advance is key. This entails planning possible menus and shopping lists. It helps to cook certain meals in advance. When I adhere to the mealtimes I’ve entered in my planner, I find myself satisfied, filled with energy, and achieving my goals of weight loss or maintenance.
Relationships: If I journal, talk to a therapist, or go to support groups, I’m able to focus on myself, my uncertainty, my loneliness, and can then more easily stay out of other people’s business. These meetings help me feel supported, connected and understood.
So try to identify where you are out of alignment. Where is the disconnect between your words and your actions?
If your goal is to be more health conscious, but you eat junk food or drink too much, this could be an indication. If you’re having an emotional or sexual affair, but you value honesty and commitment, then this could be something to fix. Are you living in fear?
With the help of a professional, get to the source of your unhappiness. You’ll start to restore your integrity when you commit to living a whole life.