Is ‘Nice’ a Secret Tool for Product Managers? Discover Its Hidden Power.

Taking a fresh look at situations and being willing to improve can open up new paths for moving forward in your work and life.

In a recent coaching session, I felt one word right in my gut. It’s a seemingly innocuous word which packs a big punch; it’s the word “nice”. In the work environment, nice can imply easy to get along with or welcoming, which is beneficial for product managers who are constantly navigating cross functional dynamics. Nice also can be cringeworthy when a manager says you are “nice” during a performance review. The implication often being the individual is not sufficiently visible to be considered for advancement.

Different words and situations can be seen in many ways. For example, although Fred Astaire was a great dancer, Ginger Roger’s feats were extraordinary as the quote above highlights. People described as “nice” may be stronger than they appear. When considering various viewpoints, think about how they affect you and look at them from another angle to find questions that could help you grow and progress.

For example, other words grouped with “nice” are “kind” and “considerate”. With these traits a person can navigate potentially difficult situations without being perceived as difficult to work with or lead. When asking to take on a desired project, a manager is likely to be more receptive to the request made by a truly kind and considerate person given their history of sincerity and conviction than someone whose sense of self is turned up to 11.

To push back on ideas without being difficult to work with, ask clarifying questions and bring the conversation to a logical space rather than an emotional one. — Vikrama Dhiman (Gojek)

If you are uncertain how you are perceived or your manager’s definition of “nice”, you can get past the uncertainty by asking a few thoughtful questions.

1. How do you think my approachability affects my current role, and what advice would you give to ensure it’s seen as an asset rather than a limitation?
2. What are the characteristics you believe a leader in our team should exhibit, and how do my skills align with these expectations?
3. How can we set measurable goals that reflect both my soft and functional skills to prepare me for a promotion?

Cultivate trust by demonstrating authenticity and truly wanting to learn and improve based on the responses. The insight puts you in a more informed position to redirect preconceived notions and help others to see you or the situation differently. By embracing calculated risks (such as asking for more information), you can take steps towards both personal and professional development. Today, we’ll explore these themes further.

Avoiding short-term gains for bigger wins

Product Management is a life of tradeoffs. On one hand, there is always too much to do with too little time and too few resources. On the other, there is a stigma placed on quitting or walking away from opportunities perceived to be a quick win. This tightrope walk can cause a PM to stick with uncomfortable or unhealthy situations well beyond their sell by date.

Astro Teller, CEO of X (the Moonshot Company within Alphabet) can help us and our stakeholders to think differently. He is obsessed with quickly exploring and leaving behind ideas as a way to get more valuable information more rapidly. He uses the analogy of monkeys and pedestals.

When faced with any desired outcome, in this case training a monkey to juggle flaming torches while standing on a pedestal, break the scenario down into its base components. For example:

• Get a monkey
• Train the monkey
• Build a pedestal
• Get the monkey onto the pedestal
• Have the monkey do the trick while on the pedestal

Often people jump to building the pedestal as instinctively we know a pedestal could be built. It’s a nice item to mark off the to do list. In fact, building the pedestal is an illusion of progress as the answer is already known. You’re not proving anything new. Instead you’re creating a sunk cost. What’s the real tricky thing — the riskiest hypothesis — you want to explore first? It’s training the monkey. Why? If the monkey is not trainable, you don’t need the pedestal.

I know I’m guilty of wanting to cross things off my checklist. It feels good to have an indication of achievement. What would it take to feel good about not doing or tackling something? Consider what is important to you or your company right now. If you identified a way to potentially save time or resources would it be a win?

If speaking of monkeys and pedestals is not going to seal the deal with your execs, Teller’s approach to innovation is reminiscent of the problem solving technique, systems thinking. In systems thinking a whole “system” is broken down into its intrinsic components. The relationship between how the items in the system interrelate or impact each other vs. in isolation is the focus. Commonalities between the two methods include the following:

1. Connections: In any complex project, different tasks are interconnected. Focusing on the hardest task (the monkey) brings the complexity and interdependencies to the surface.
2. Feedback Loops: By addressing the most challenging part first, you gather input which informs the rest of the project. Success or failure in training the monkey provides critical input to the overall project and definition of success.
3. Sunk Cost: Focusing solely on easier tasks (the pedestal) without considering the hardest part (the monkey) can lead to wasted effort and resources. Improving the approach can prevent you from spending work that is unnecessary.
4. Learning: Tackling the riskiest assumption first can lead to innovative experiments and approaches which lead to a better understanding of the overall project.

Looking at situations differently and considering the individual steps can save you time and effort whether it be in your career, project, or desire to improve. The action that will have the most impact both today and in the future is where you want to focus. Through this lens, and yes, being nice, we can effectively guide people through the options and navigate a tricky situation in a new and more efficient / effective light.

Three factors underpin our ability to improve

When I want to help a person see a situation differently, at the core I am nudging them out of their comfort zone. Changing the way we are wired is tricky, especially when it calls for a new way of thinking and potentially taking a risk. Yet in order to improve, we must push ourselves to be open to new ideas and approaches.

A technique to apply builds on work by Scott Young, the author of the Ultralearning. He describes “practice loops”, where we see examples, practice for ourselves and get high-quality feedback.

1. See. Most of what we know comes from other people. The ease (or difficulty) of learning from others explains much of our ability to improve ourselves.
2. Do. Practice is essential to progress, but not all efforts are equal. Knowing what kinds of actions lead to progress (and which don’t) can save years of wasted effort.
3. Feedback. Improvement is not a straight line; it requires adjustment. Sometimes, feedback looks like the red stroke of a teacher’s pen, but more often, it comes from direct contact with the reality we’re engaged with.

Let’s apply Scott’s approach to product development. Often you’ll hear, diverge (go broad) before converging (narrowing in). My vote is to flip around that approach — yes, it might seem risky, but hear me out…

• At the start, PMs desire to speak with customers directly or reach out to internal experts. Both of these paths offer excellent areas to explore (+1 for continuous discovery), just a bit later. → Instead consider, what would you ask them? How would you focus the conversation on what is most important? What is the “train the monkey” in this scenario?
• Begin by storyboarding what is already known, e.g. what does the customer do today. As you go through this journey, you will identify gaps where “magic happens”. We’re not sure what took place, but somehow the customer progressed to the next step. → In some cases the magic reflects an assumption, e.g. you believe the customer does X because of Y. For others it will be indicative of a process which occurs outside your area of expertise.
• By quickly going through the storyboarding exercise, you are able to identify the gaps you need to explore with customers and internal experts first as they will impact the approach and necessity of future steps. → Through this exercise you may find you do not need to prioritize a step in the storyboard just yet, because a prior assumption must be explored first. The subsequent learning informs how you proceed.
• Now it’s time to go back to your prospects and internal contacts with specific questions. → They’ll thank you for the targeted discussion (and maybe enjoy the story of training a monkey and not building a pedestal too). Their responses will enable you to update the storyboard as well.

What you have done is apply See, Do, and Feedback to improve and make your approach stronger.

1. See. By storyboarding first, we are seeing what information we have already gathered from others. The “magic happens” gaps are the areas where improvements and learning occur.
2. Do. We return to the monkey and the pedestal or systems thinking. By identifying the riskiest assumptions and exploring them first, we increase our capacity to learn and improve more rapidly.
3. Feedback. Once you have gone through See and Do, you’re ready for Feedback from customers and subject matter experts to iterate and improve the storyboard.

What do you want to be when you grow up

In our world which appears to be getting more and more competitive everyday, being nice or kind or considerate can feel like the biggest risk. When you start to wonder if you need to be something you’re not to succeed, ponder what do you want to be known for. Jesse Pujji from Bootstrapped Giants describes the benefit of being “likeable”.

A lot of readers who hit reply on my past newsletters asked me to talk more about “networking.” … it all starts with friendships and being likable.

Being likable has gotten me deals I didn’t deserve, had amazing people work for me, and gotten me out of jams.

Consider drafting a story or drawing a sketch which reflects who you are and what brings you joy. This quick exercise helps you to determine what risks you want to take and hone in on your goals. Here are a few principles to keep in mind:

1. Be authentic: It’s your story, because it is about you. Recall pivotal moments in your life that have shaped you. Don’t shy away from emotions, memories or connections that have truly impacted you — the ups and the downs.
2. Be heroic: You are the hero in your own story. Components of a powerful story include: how you became the you that you are, themes you have identified, and depth as you learn more about yourself along the way.
3. Be repetitive: Review your story frequently. A minimum of seven times is necessary to form an association in an one’s mind, and you’re always adding new learnings, so keep updating!

An example of my story is included below. What stands out are the consistent themes of bringing humanity into everything I do, from technology to innovation to my own career path.

Companies have their own stories too. Recalling them can help align and improve upon how individuals work together, especially when the lead has a viewpoint which differs from their team. One approach is the Elephants, Dead Fish, and Vomit approach I wrote about previously.

Another technique is to do an organization or team pre-mortem. Unlike a post-mortem, where you discuss opportunities for improvement and learnings after the fact, a pre-mortem occurs earlier and “predicts” the future. You assume the future has not gone as expected and come up with the reasons it went off track. The future could be 3 months, 6 months, or one year based on your velocity and stage of growth.

• 🐯 Tigers — A clear threat that will hurt us if we don’t do something about it.
• 📃 Paper Tigers — An apparent threat that you are personally not worried about (but others might be).
• 🐘 Elephants — The thing that you’re concerned the team is not talking about.

The exercise can be run over a few hours or quickly, again depending on what works for your organization. Here is an agenda for a rapid effort.

• Introduction (5 min) — Introduce Pre-Mortem, Tigers, Paper Tigers and Elephants.
• Quiet time #1 (5 min) — List out Tigers, Paper Tigers, and Elephants.
• Quite time #2 (5 min) — Review others’ inputs and +1 those you agree with (each person is allocated five +1s).
• Around-the-Zoom sharing (5 min) — Share reflections and what resonated most with the entire group.
• Next steps (5 min) — Discuss emergent top themes and next steps.

It’s important to have involvement from all stakeholders. Why? Humans function in a 70–20–10 model, which proposes that adults learn through three primary channels: 70% from hands-on experiences, 20% from interactions with others, and 10% from formal learning. If individuals skip out on the exercise, they are missing the 70% of hands-on experience and a big chunk of opportunity to learn, improve and grow stronger as a team.

Nice is the new strong

As we wrap up today’s newsletter remember that sometimes simple things, like the word “nice,” can have a big impact. It’s all about how we use these qualities to develop and improve. Keep asking questions to better understand how others see you and to make sure you’re on the right track.

Whether it’s tackling challenges smartly, like the “monkey and pedestal” story, or having honest talks about your career goals, always aim to learn and connect genuinely with others. Let’s keep pushing forward, turning everyday kindness into people-first leadership in our careers.

Here is a photo of Lancaster being nice and letting my husband finish most of his dinner before applying even more cuteness.