Amazon Is Coming To Town, and It Ain’t Good

I don’t see many welcome signs and banners from residents.

Diane Egan
2 min readMar 24, 2022

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Amazon logo on an orbit path
Image by kirstyfields from Pixabay

Amazon is building a new fulfillment facility in Daytona Beach.

Here are my thoughts on this fiasco.

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Amazon.

Amazon who?

I’m the Amazon who told your city that I want to build a 2.8 million-square-foot fulfillment facility in your city, but I want a location that will give me access to as many interstate highways and ports as possible. Yes, I realize that’s prime real estate, but you have a lovely piece of property that’s owned by the county that meets my needs. I should get a break on the price. I also want a $5 million tax break over four years. You see, my business is booming and I have more money than Elon Musk. I was curious to see how much money I can suck out of your taxpayers. I don’t give a shit about the golf community across the road from my fulfillment facility. Their homes are probably going to diminish in value, but that’s not my problem.

In the beginning, my moving to your town was a big secret. Nobody knew anything about it except the City Commissioners and the Mayor. When my new digs and extortion conditions came up for a vote, the only NO vote was from a new commissioner. For some reason, he took a shine to the residents who will be affected by my invasion. He might even care for them. I’ll bet he was surprised that he was the only NO.

Hell, all the other places where I moved got used to 1,000 trucks and trailers coming in and out of my facilities 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Nobody cares that my entrance/exit is directly across from the main entrance to that silly golf community. Nobody cares about extra noise and additional air pollution from our trucks. Tell those cry babies to keep their windows closed and change their A/C filters more often. If they’re not happy, they should move.

We’re going to employ between 1,000 to 1,400 employees. They’ll be paid $15 to start. We don’t care about the labor shortage that’s happening in your town. Those Mom & Pop stores are annoying and a pain in my ass, anyway.

So, what am I going to do with all the money I make in your town? Well, there’s this guy named Jeff who started Amazon. He’s into rockets and space travel. I’m pretty sure he set his sights on Mars. That’s when Amazon REALLY goes global.

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Diane Egan

Writer | Wife | Caregiver | Need Therapy | In Therapy | Warped Sense of Humor | Joke and Storyteller | I Love Coffee 💕 https://paypal.me/DianeEganCom