Living an unconventional life — The choice I made at 28 and where it got me

“Your mind takes the day shift and your heart takes the night shift.” I heard that from a Ted Talk, and it hit me.

That explained why I kept waking up at midnight when I was 28, feeling lost and confused. I didn’t want to be there, but I didn’t know where I wanted to be. It’s as if I was a spy, tired of pretending to be someone else.

That “someone” was a hardworking, communicative professional in a tech start-up. Starting from there, I could see my life planned out: moving up the corporate ladder, getting an apartment mortgage, having a baby, and traveling with my future husband abroad twice a year.

That’s the sweet stable life that l thought I wanted since business school, and I fought hard for it. But when I was officially on the track to it, I started to ask myself: “Will the rest of my life just be like this?”

My crisis of faith started

I began to realize how limited my understanding of happiness was. I had thought to be top of my class and that having a well-paid job was fundamental for my happiness. That belief is not uncommon in the modern world, unfortunately, it doesn’t work for me.

Looking back on my 20’s, I think there is nothing wrong with wanting a stable life. Now in my 30’s I still want it. But the problem, which I now realize, is that if I decided to pursue this lifestyle at 28, then I would need to focus more and couldn’t afford to lose my job.

But I was only 70% percent happy with that job, and I had no motivation to get promoted. So I just couldn’t bring myself to commit. There were other things that I still wanted to try, and if I didn’t then I would always wonder if I could have been happier.

I took a leap of faith

I once read that if you find yourself on the wrong road, stopping is progress. So months later, I quit my job, planning to try different lifestyles in the next 3 years.

Choosing to be unemployed made me feel unlucky and lucky at the same time. Unlucky because I was 28 and only started to figure out what career or lifestyle makes me happy.

Lucky because I had savings that could sustain my frugal lifestyle for the next 3 years without working. I worked hard in school, got a good-paying job, and never spent my money lavishly. This allowed me to save my money for more important things. In a way, I earned myself the chance to make a leap of faith.

Where the choice got me

3 months after leaving my job, I was offered a chance to co-found a start-up. The cause, challenge, and the opportunity to work on a great team made it impossible for me to refuse. I said yes.

If you think that this is going to be a Hollywood ending where I make a ton of money and come to my self-realization, then you are wrong.

I had a great time and learned a lot, but it was not happily ever after for me. After that, I also worked in design and at an art dealership in a new country. I have tried things that were calling me like a siren in my 20s. So where am I now?

1. It’s a one-way street

When I left the job, I thought that I could always go back if needed. But I was wrong. Fewer and fewer head-hunters called me each year and when they heard that I didn’t work in Tech anymore, they apologized and never talked to me again.

If you have a good-paying job, it’s very likely to be an incredibly competitive position. I realized that companies have the opportunity to hire many driven and experienced young applicants. So be really sure before you decide to leave any job.

Luckily, I enjoy what I do now and I don’t plan to go back. Even with my unstable income, I will try to push my current path further.

2. I made peace with myself

Before leaving my job, I worked in the tech industry for 5 years in the same city. I went to the same industry summit every year and hung out with friends who had similar backgrounds. Leaving all of this behind, I was exposed to different people, new lifestyles, and ideas. I entered into a world that I didn’t know existed before.

I started to learn new rules. I observed how people lived their lives, people that I would never have met if I stayed in my job. And by doing that, I made peace with myself.

I met a nuclear engineer who later became a baker because he loved baking. A 70-year-old artist fighting physical disabilities in an academy. A part-time lawyer giving free curatorship. A technician who found his interests in plants and became a Ph.D. student at 35. Entrepreneurs who failed many times and did not give up. I was even in an IT solution meeting with a brothel owner, and learned that brothels are legal in Australia!

There are millions of ways to live one’s life, and each has its pros and cons.

Now I don’t wonder “what if”. I don’t feel the need to complain, which I used to think was “explain.”

Now, I am just grateful for being alive and living my customized life.

3. I realized I was not alone

I now know many people in their 30s. I have never seen one without a scar.

Even those born into privilege, or those who seemed to “have it made,” also struggle. They might struggle with their parents, their marriages, or their mental illnesses. Some of them handled it well themselves or with the help of professionals, and some of them have drinking problems or toxic relationship patterns.

Now I truly understand part of being human is struggling, I decided to pass on the wisdom, not the woe.

If you are reading this part, I don’t expect you to feel it from the words, you can only feel it from your experience.

Living an unconventional life is a double-edged sword, so I wouldn’t say it’s for everyone.

My only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner.