I Resigned and Here’s Why (12 Tell-Tale Signs Your Boss Is Manipulating You)
Amazing bosses are heaven-sent. They shower you with compliments, positive feedback and are always in-tune to your personal life. But where do you draw the line? What if, they’re doing all these to manipulate and use you?
I’m having anxiety and panic attacks just by thinking about it. Now, I found myself journaling again as a form of therapy. I’ve been in an abusive employee-employer relationship and I never knew it, until now.
You only get what you tolerate
I know, I know. I gave this advice a couple of times and I never expected I’d find myself hearing this from friends and even strangers. I admit, I crave validation and my weakness is receiving words of appreciation (see: 5 Love Languages). I thought I found the best boss ever who constantly showers me with appreciation and boosts my confidence. He love bombed me.
Love bombing is an attempt to influence a person by demonstrations of attention and affection. It can be used in different ways and for either positive or negative purposes. Psychologists have identified love bombing as a possible part of a cycle of abuse and have warned against it. (Wikipedia)
What came after the love bombing was MORE WORK. More than I signed up for. More than what I am initially paid for. More than what I can deliver. This cycle went on for a year and it cost me my health and sanity.
If you’re experiencing the same, please continue reading so you can better assess your situation. If you can, get out of that toxic work environment!
12 Indicators That Your Boss is a Manipulator
So here are the 12 indicators that your boss is manipulating you:
Blame Shifting
Overly Critical
Making The Rules, But Not Following Them
Moving The Goal Post
Putting Obstacles In Your Path
Intimidation
Avoiding Issues
Two-Faced Behavior
Slanting The Narrative
Being The Biggest Victim
Gaslighting
Interfering With Your Personal Life
Reference: Youtube Video, Is My Boss Manipulating Me? 12 Signs Of A Manipulative Boss | Workplace Issues & Psychology
Checking Off The List
✔️ Blame Shifting
Scenario: Me busy with video editing project “because we’re about to launch our new website”
Boss: Hi, I need you to write several blog topics, I will assign them to the team. (Backstory: he subscribed to a service where you pay and they will execute the project)
Me: Can I submit it tomorrow, I am in the middle of video editing
Boss: But I need it today, because time is running and I am constantly being billed by the team.
Question: Why do you blame me for being billed by that team? Why didn’t you map out your projects, prepare the tasks you’re gonna assign to them? Why do you have to constantly pull me out of my tasks and drag me somewhere else and when I fail to deliver, its my fault? CLASSIC BLAME SHIFTER.
✔️ Making The Rules, But Not Following Them
OMG. This is a classic. Imagine I have 5 outstanding tasks. He has 100 outstanding tasks (and I’m not exaggerating) and he’s gonna ask me for a video call only to say “I’ve been seeing a lot of unfinished tasks” and I’m like, “likewise.”
So I had to listen to a whole 5-minute lecture why we need to keep tasks in check and why we are using our project management platform yada yada. I mean, you should be taking care of your tasks and not mine. I am within a reasonable time frame why my tasks are not yet marked as done (yep, you guessed it right, because he kept on pulling me to 7 different places, so I couldn’t finish one task).
✔️ Moving The Goal Post
Yup, another classic. Imagine having to sit down in multiple brainstorming sessions. We laid out tasks and goals with matching due dates for the website launch and come mid-month, guess what, we’re headed in a different direction again because “he had an epiphany.” I mean its his company alright, just don’t blame us why we don’t see projects to its fruitition.
✔️ Putting Obstacles In Your Path
This is not something he intentionally does, but he should be aware about their staff’s skills and responsibilities. If you keep on asking them to do multiple work and expect that they deliver, you are insane.
I applied as a writer, been trained as an Executive Assistant. Then I found myself hiring and scouting for new team members and building website and membership portals. I mean, I’m not complaining, but this isn’t what I want. My boss kept asking me for more work in the guise of “you should go out of your comfort zone and stretch as much as you can for your own good.”
My God, I cannot.
✔️ Avoiding Issues
I can’t count the number of suppliers/contractors he has evaded because he didn’t want to have “the talk.” Oh well, this is one toxic trait that he has but since I was not directly affected, I let it slide.
I’ve been warned by his former web developer and EA though that I should be very careful. If he can do it to others, he can definitely do it to me.
✔️ Two-Faced Behavior, Slanting The Narrative and Being The Biggest Victim
Oh noes, I couldn’t count the times where I’ve seen my boss two-faced as he slant the narrative of what’s happening and ending up acting as victim of circumstances. It gives me goosebumps that I can finally see the truth.
One example, if he doesn’t give an assignment, you can’t track hours and you don’t get paid. Real talk, we have bills to pay! So I cannot blame my other teammates who left. HELLO, THEY NEED WORK.
Then he’s gonna rant to me and say that this and that is “unreliable” and “not communicative as before.” I wonder if he ever asked himself “why?” I wonder how many times he introspected and asked himself if he is the problem. I’ve seen around 10 teammates come and go in the past year.
If you see how fast the turnover of the staff is, better be wary, it just means something is wrong with the management.
I Resign! Effective Immediately!
It took me a year and 3 months before I had the courage to finally resign. Well, actually I tried resigning 3x and finally, Mercury retrograde is soo good to me that it aligned my stars so I can finally be free.
I hope this blog post would help other freelancers who find themselves deep into abuse that they feel guilty for resigning and choosing themselves.
Till next time!
