Self-Portrait Essay: Freedom and Time Management, Their Helpfulness and Hindrance
ENC 1101 with Dr. Ortolano has taught me a lot about composition and English through major class assignments, in-class writing exercises, and assigned readings. Entering Composition I, I felt pretty confident in my writing abilities and high sense of responsibility to get things done. I went to Florida SouthWestern State College’s high school, Florida SouthWestern Collegiate High School, which heavily prepared me for college life and academic rigor. There were still many things, however, that I was not aware of that this class taught me throughout the semester, especially when it deals with managing time and freedom.
From the beginning, when Dr. Ortolano introduced that journals were going to be a prevalent part of this class, I knew I was in trouble. Ideally, I take time with my writing, arguably too much time. The fact that I would be assigned a journal almost every single week, stressed me out. Regardless, I set my mind to turn everything in on time, or feel guilty otherwise; that is how it has always been. I remember the first time I turned in an assignment late and the panic that came with it. It was the replacement in-class work for August 31st, and I was so upset that I had forgotten about an assignment so early on in the semester. I realized I had an assignment to do at 8am and it was due at 10am. I figured I could get no less than five points off the assignment for turning it in late, so I put it off until later. I frantically began writing the assignment late at night, speedily writing in the attempt not to turn it in after 11:59pm (I thought if I turned it in at 12am I would get ten points off). Time was going by fast. I tried my best to just answer the prompt given, but my brain tends to wander when I write. I allow myself full liberty when it comes to writing, and on his particular project, I had so much I wanted to say. This is usually not too bad, I can type pretty quickly, the trouble starts when it comes to editing my work. I oftentimes find myself revising things I wrote that were perfectly fine, but I always reread and rewrite what I have written so that my work can be as eloquent as possible.
I turned in the assignment at 11:57pm and waited anxiously for my grade. To my surprise, I got a 12/10 on the assignment, receiving bonus points for “going above and beyond :).” Although this seems like a wonderful outcome to a learned lesson, never turn in assignments late because your stress levels rise instantaneously, it, instead, planted a seed in my brain that there were no dire consequences for turning things in late for Composition I. Eventually, turning in assignments late became a very bad habit of mine. Almost all of my journals or other virtual submissions, aside from major essays, were turned in late. The stressful cycle of writing work late at night, proofreading and revising, and finally turning it in, sometimes days after it was due, become the new normal. No matter how many times I did this, a part of me never stopped being guilty about it. Dr. Ortolano is kind enough to accept anything for full credit as long as it is not “busy work,” but I feel I abused this merciful rule of his. I could never get rid of the feeling that I was doing some wrong, partly because of what my high school taught me, and because of the obnoxious “LATE” announcement Canvas makes. This habit always makes me feel as though time is running out, like I am racing against time but surrendering a quarter through the race by falling asleep or saying, “I’ll do it later” (both things happening with this essay).
Another reason I would get my work turned in late is because of all of my personal responsibilities. I have other classes, volunteer at several organizations throughout the week, am head of the prom committee, go to my mother’s work every day, and to church two to three times a week. There were many times I had an event or activity to do that seemed “more important” than writing an essay, or I would take the liberty of a nap whenever I had the time. Because composition essays were always on the back of my mind, I never truly felt relaxed no matter what I did.
Though behind on many projects, this class has truly helped me improve my writing skills. My usage of grammar, MLA, and writing a good conclusion are some of the most notable things I have improved in. My whole life, conclusion paragraphs have been very hit or miss, now I feel I can confidently say that I am capable of writing a good conclusion paragraph.
My main struggle with freedom and time management in relation to this class is that I have not yet found a good balance between turning things in on time while completing my other responsibilities and catering to my own self needs. I feel flimsy and flakey, like a tortilla, because I do not have a proper structure when it comes to managing my life and writing time. I flake when it comes to writing my journals and essays ahead of time because I get busy with life, but I also flake from doing the other things in my life when I have a major project due soon. I feel flimsy, flip-floppy, and all over the place.
My habits have improved immensely since the first time I turned in my in-class replacement assignment late. I have managed to prioritize taking care of myself while slowly beginning to write my essays sooner than I used to (still a work in progress). I am trying to improve on turning in my English homework late because I will not always have a professor as sweet and lenient as Dr. Ortolano. The main issue getting in between me and ultimate success is my obsessive proofreading and revision. This definitely lengthens the process of which I write because I always try to turn in something that I am proud of, but is also perfect, an impossible goal to reach. Every time I turn in an essay, I always fear it is not as good as I could have done. That is why sometimes I prefer turning things in the second before it is due, I am forced not to go back and revise once more. This exemplifies my bad managing of freedom and time, but this is a bad tendency I have that I am slowly managing to get rid of.
During my semester of Composition I, I was exposed to the freedom of turning in my assignments late with no threatening consequence. Also, how this freedom can both help and hinder my writing process. This newfound “college freedom” has allowed me to better work on English assignments according to my schedule, but has also conditioned me to rely on Dr. Ortolano’s tolerant late work policy. My reliance on it has removed all of the guilt my high school instilled in me when turning in my assignments late. In the near future, I hope to reestablish my strong sense of responsibility and also to reduce the number of revisions I make for each project assigned to me. Taking these steps will help me further succeed in college.
