Dear Dad
I write about a lot of things and lately I haven’t been able to figure out what to write about, a small piece that I can finish in less than a few hours. My small texts make me really happy, I put a lot of my heart out there, and being an impatient imbecile, I also feed the starving relentlessness that I suffer from on a daily basis. I didn’t care though, that I didn’t have anything to write bout right now. I have bigger pieces in mind, and it’s a fleeting idea usually that occupies me when I pen my words. But then I realized, there is something I want to write about, that I’ve always wanted to write about. A letter to you, my father. The person who has believed in me since before I could even walk, and somehow who saw something in me that no one else saw, that I could do amazing things. I don’t think I’ve done anything to justify your expectations yet, but I’ll keep trying. So here goes Papa…
You and I have a complicated relationship, I’ll come out with it straight away. No you’ve never done wrong by me, not even close. And neither have I by you. You love me more than anyone else in the world I think, I’m pretty sure actually. And I love you A LOT. More than my actions over the years might justify. Mom might say she loves me more :P But to be honest there’s something about the way you look at me, you see something in me that’s more than what I am, and I’ve always tried to go a step further than what I am capable of, because of you. I failed sometimes, but who gives a fuck about that. I learnt my lessons, like you taught me. You saw me in a different light, always, and you’ve always pushed me. You made me learn tables in kindergarten, you made do Seigo Ryu in school, you introduced me to 80’s Swedish Pop at age 7.( and I still love Abba papa, watching you jam to Dancing Queen is a special joy for me ) You thought I’d be the person you thought you couldn’t become, and you kept nipping at my heels. Many might not know this since you don’t talk much in public, but you are one of the smartest people I’ve ever met. You are hands on, you are diligent, you are impatient and reckless at times, just like me, and had you come from a different place, you would’ve done something ridiculously amazing, I’m sure of it. But you felt like you didn’t achieve what you could, and you wanted me to do all those things.
I grew up in one of the most liberal and progressive households I can imagine in India. Yes you have your temper issues, and guess what, I inherited that from you :/ but that doesn’t make you any less brilliant. (My friends think I’m too unnecessarily hyper btw and some even ask me to practice mindfulness:P so thanks for that dad). And throughout my childhood and even now, you made no unreasonable demands of me. For a middle class family, sometimes that’s hard. Everyone wants their kids to do better than they did, and the message gets a little muddled in translation. But not with you, you set me free dad, you gave me wings. You let me fucking fly. You had just one expectation from me, one demand, just one. That I should be fiscally responsible. Is that so unreasonable? Not at all, and I have been struggling with that. But I promise you, I’m trying my best, and I’ll get better!
But despite being so similar, we turned out to be very different people. I’ve grown up to be a sometimes overconfident, fearless, extremely assertive person because of my shackleless childhood that you bestowed upon me. But we couldn’t be best friends dad, we don’t talk much, because we grew up differently. Because you gave me the things you couldn’t get growing up. And because of that I wanted to write this for you.
So thanks Papa, for making me everything I am today, and everything I will be as time passes. I owe you every fiber of my being, and I would be nothing without you.
Please take care, I worry about your health too much.
All the love he has,
Your offspring.