Am I depressed? How I feel…

I’m not getting this right! Nothing is going well! What is happening? I keep asking if this is what failure is about. It is, right? I see why it’s painful. I’m out of breath, I’m choked. What can I do?

I’m telling myself, this is not how things should turn out especially when I know I’m trying to do all I can. The question again is,what is right? Friends are failing me, lover is nowhere to be found, family? They also have their own issues.

Maybe the question I should be asking myself is why shouldn’t things go wrong? After all, I don’t own all that I have today. It belongs to someone else when I’m gone. If you’re asking, ‘what does she mean by all of this’? You probably are on the right track. Truth be told, I don’t know either.

But then…

This is how I feel after a hard day at work and I get a slap on the face by my boss with words I can’t possibly tell an enemy.

This is how I feel after I pick up my phone everyday to call my ex boyfriend and I get a voicemail prompt.

This is how I feel when I wake up every morning to remind myself of how beautiful I am on the outside, yet I feel ugly inside.

This is how I feel when I keep getting betrayed by loved ones.

This is how I feel every time I promise myself to take a step towards achieving my life goal and I wake up doing a different thing entirely.

This thing called life is full of cracks! ‘Mother Earth, how are you coping’?

However, I’ll remain in it for as long as I can keep filling the cracks and holes that keep breaking.