Write when you can. I can only offer you a big hug!
You said it honestly, “if I don’t unload some of what is in my head, it will explode.” I can say, for me, writing my feelings and thoughts kept my head from exploding. Or, at least, I only lost my mind. Others remind me that it was gone long before then.
When I heard “she is in a better place” or the innumerable other cliches my thought was “if you say that again, I will send you there too!”
By the way, I quit trying to figure out what I’ll be when I grow up. I just decided that I won’t. It works for me!
Most of all, Take care of yourself!