Ever since I started this great experiment on life (leaving my old life working and living in NYC and now onto a brand-new journey of unknown — not knowing where we will land a few months ahead of us and where we will settle), I begin to take great notice in things that I normally wouldn’t pay attention to such as time.
My old paradigm with time
The way how I used to experience time was very much shaped by the American corporate life in which Outlook/Google calendars dictate how I navigate my day-to-day. There was a time when I was so used to this idea of “just put this on my calendar” I started to do the same thing with my personal time. If it’s not on my calendar, then I don’t have to worry about it. What it means is that when it IS on my calendar, I worry about being on time for it and feeling so stressed over not being able to just get to it right away so that I can enjoy my OWN time.
In this paradigm, those time blocks start to feel like mini cells in a prison.
Every day I wake up and go to this self-imposed prison, counting till the time when I can be let out and breathe some fresh air and begin to enjoy “my time”.
This is a jarring analogy I know. But the truth of it is that I’ve developed, over time, this “hating” energy towards those time blocks because I see them as obligations, things I have to get to. There’s no freedom in keeping up with those schedules and I even begin to avoid the things I want to participate in just to avoid putting yet another thing on my calendar (even writing down this sentence brought back that visceral sensation I used to have when I feel like I had to add another thing on my calendar).
And what happens when I finally was released from that proverbial prison? I begin to indulge in binge-watching shows, mindless scrolling on social media, and anything and everything that could delay the sleep time so that I can squeeze that one last drop of MY FREE TIME!
The new paradigm: time as a journey
I’ve lived that old paradigm for so long and the physical toll became so real that I know I need to make a change.
Fortunately, the current way of living afforded me a few ways to experience time differently.
I remember the days I enjoy the most are the ones when my husband and I would go on day trips to national parks nearby. I would begin the day by getting up early and feeling refreshed and excited about what we’re about to experience. And we would make our way to the stops we knew we would want to check out leaving room for resting, stopping for random spots we ran into along the way.
This way, we not only are able to visit the places we’d like to but also flexible enough to leave room for surprises along the way.
I decided to try on this new way of experiencing my day-to-day as a practice.
A couple of elements that enabled those day trips a success:
- Getting up ahead of time to be prepared for the road
- Picking a few places in advance we know we’d like to go so we can drop those pins onto Google map
- Leave room for surprises along the way
- Relax after the whole day’s exploration
Applying the same logic to my day-to-day now. I’ve implemented a few principles for my new practice.
- Get up at least an hour early to my first stop (in this case, my first obligation — be it a meeting or a work email, etc.) to attend to things I know will put my state of being in the right place (for me nowadays it’s reading on Buddhism philosophies)
- Morning work
- Rest/grounding practices: choose between meditation, language learning, or reading for 20min increments based on how I feel in the moment (e.g., typically if I’ve been speaking a lot then I’ll choose ones that don’t require me to speak such as mediation or if it’s been intense heads-down work, I’ll pick the ones that didn’t require a lot of brain work)
- Afternoon work
- Rest/ground practices: same as above
- Coaching
- Walk/workout/physical activities
- Relaxation/chatting with my husband
From the look of it, my calendar right now may not look all that different from before, but my experience has been night and day.
What has shifted, you might be wondering?
I think the most important shift is that I get to practice ownership. Before I was clearly operating with a ‘victim’ mindset where I didn’t choose those things and that I had no control over them but waiting to be scheduled.
What has changed now is that by implementing this ‘time as a journey’ mindset, I begin to see so many opportunities where I could be in control. For example, picking the rest/grounding activities based on how I feel in the moment to help refuel my energy vs. putting them in as regimented practices. Getting up early enough to reset my mind into a more balanced state certainly helped a lot.
Is it going to be the same every single day?
Of course not. For weekends, I leave things open and apply no rules. This gives me a chance to be flexible and spontaneous. Remember, the secret sauce that worked for me is having autonomy over my journey.
What if I failed to ‘arrive’ at any of the elements I’ve outlined above (e.g., didn’t get up on time, etc)?
Funny that you should ask 😉 I’m only human. The goal is not shooting for perfection. Right now I’m living with a few friends in Mexico so yes there’re a few times that I can’t really get up super early if we went to the beach or slept a little late watching a movie together the night before. It’s ok. I’ve learned to re-orient myself during the day too to get back on track with my grounding practices. Again, perfection isn’t the goal but rather creating experiences that bring me balance, joy and groundedness.
Is it going to look the same for the rest of your life?
Who knows 😊 This new practice with time has helped me build muscles around experiencing life differently by my own design. The only thing I do know is that life truly is just an experiment. If this whole ‘time as a journey’ philosophy stops working one day I know that I’ll have what I need to know and how it can be experienced differently. For that, I’ll always be curious.
How do you currently experience time? Want to book a free chat with coach Effie and find out what life coaching is about? Contact me at dieffiecao@gmail.com
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