The illusion of ‘getting there’

Dietrich Corthouts
Sep 7, 2018 · 3 min read

Or how you already and always are

It is one of the greatest things that trips us up, doesn’t it?!

Once I … then …

Of course there is a time and place for everything,
so I am not talking about taking premature action
or doing stuff that feels rushed.

I am talking about your internal world.

About being happy.

Now, that in itself is a misunderstood word.
For being happy does not necessarily mean you feel no stress, or sadness or pain. You can be happy all the while you process those less pleasant human emotions. It is actually one of the greatest fuckups of the world of personal development. The quick and easy fixes. “Just smile and all will be well.”
And so we create a smiling society filled with booze and anti depressants. As long as it looks good on the outside, no?

I have learned that happiness lies in being able to handle all of you.
All of your emotions. The good feeling ones ànd the gut wrenching ones.

If you think about it …
Why do we want the new job? Car? Wife?
Or even the sixpack or the vegan diet?
Usually because we think it will make us happy.

Now, there is nothing wrong with wanting nice things.
On the contrary. I love to experience a moderate to slightly luxurious lifestyle. It is our inner child that likes toys to play with. And that is great!
Also, some choices are truly made as an expression of your inner self.

The problem starts, when we want those things because we think they will heal our loneliness, our pain, our emptiness.

Those things, those usually unwanted and even undiscovered emotions, let alone their origin being known, are often the real reason for unhappiness.
More even, they prevent us from seeing what is really going on and they just cover up the wound, without cleaning it or putting at least some antiseptic on it, so only one thing happens: it gets worse.

There is no real ‘once I get there’.

I should know, I lived that way for a long time, I soothed my pain with red wine in the evening and the promise, that once I got the next project going, I would ‘get there’. Meaning: be happy.

It does not work that way. And I am so happy life refused to have me live in that illusion. So I was offered consecutive depressions in order to heal my pain and rewrite my basic story line.

I am happy now.

That does not mean I do not get sad.
Or feel grief. Or pain.

Sometimes, still, a whole day or even a few.

But there is someone else present in me these days too.
And that is the adult version of me who is capable of listening to that pain and sorrow without being overwhelmed by it or the need to numb the pain through whatever means available.

Once you get there?
Once you have the job, the partner, the body … then???

No. I am sorry. If you have not learned to be happy with you as you are here and now, all of that is just a cover up. And pretty soon, after god forbid you get what you want, you will sit on the same marygoround. Chasing the next ‘once I get there’.

Rather that whishing you get what you want, I whish you get what you need.
And that is happiness, here and now, with however life presents itself in you or to you in any given moment.

Namaste friends.